It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Addicted to His Sext” who was in a longterm relationship with one man but couldn’t stop sexting another guy from her long-ago past she’d recently reconnected with on LinkedIn. Keep reading to see how the sexting is going now…
I have discovered I need a change in our relationship in order to be happy with my partner. We have discovered we have different personalities, but we are trying to work things out the best we can to avoid a separation for our kids’ sake (yes, we have two young kids). However, I have come to realize that my partner may not want to align our goals together and that we may split up. I feel bad for the children, but I feel relieved when I think about letting go of my image of the “perfect family” with him.
As for the sexting, I have to admit I still sext my summer fling every now and then. I really enjoy it, but probably won’t want a “real” relationship with this man. So, I have been trying to keep this issue outside of my current relationship as much as I can.
Do I need to completely cut the sexting to work on my current relationship? Or what is the place of this fantasy in my life? I like it and don’t want to give it up if I don’t have to.
If you are serious about “working on your relationship,” then you need to give it a real honest effort, and that means quit sexting anyone else. But if you’ve already decided that you want a split and you’re just going through the motions of counseling as a pretense to make you feel less guilty, quit the bull shit and get on with it already. This in-between purgatory isn’t really good for any of you — you, your partner, or your kids.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.