It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “An Awkward Proposal” who didn’t know how to behave around her friend who suddenly proposed to her out of the blue. After the jump, find out where things stands between them now.
When it all first happened, we had been out for coffee. He had known my plans for the day and asked to come along. It was unusual to see him without our other friends, but I hadn’t thought much of it at the time. So when he did propose, sans ring, I was surprised and overwhelmed by his proposal. But he didn’t seem to want an answer then and he asked me to think about. I wish I had thought of the response Lizzy gave to Collins as one reader recommended, but I didn’t quite have my wits about me. Instead, I told him I would think about it, but the more I thought about it the more I knew for sure that he would only ever be a friend. Later, I sent him a message telling him no, that it wasn’t fair to lead him on. It might have been cowardly to send a message rather than telling him in person, but I needed to let him know rather than waiting until I saw him next. Thankfully, he seemed to accept that well enough, and he said he hoped we could still be friends.
During this time though, I told a mutual friend about the situation. She later told me that although our friend has a crush on me, that I should not be uncomfortable and to just be natural. She also recommended that I not try to avoid him, since she thought it would just make things worse. So I will finally be seeing him later this week with all our friends, and I am going to do my best to be natural and comfortable.
There had been another reason that the whole situation was so hard for me. When he had been telling me his feelings, he seemed surprised that I hadn’t known. He seemed to think that I had been flirting with him during the time that I had known him. That is probably to due cultural confusion; I guess he thought my open friendly nature was flirting. But I had never flirted with him, and had only ever seen and treated him as a younger brother. I’m just now in my mid-twenties and he is a few years younger, but in his culture they tend to get married younger. But even with this misunderstanding, I think that it will be fine to see him again. The rest of my friends are really just too dear to lose for my remaining time abroad. So I hope it won’t be long before this is just a funny story to tell my friends when I am once again stateside.
Thanks again for all the recommendations!
Yes, it’ll definitely be a funny story to tell your friends when you’re back home. Just add it to your collection of tales from your time abroad. And, anyway, it sounds like no harm, no foul…which is really the best you can hope for from an unwanted and unexpected proposal.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.