Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “Angry, I Think” Responds

updatesIt’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Angry, I Think,” the LW from last week whose wife was groped by a neighbor friend at a NYE party. “I didn’t ask her how long he had his hand on her or if he had done this before; I suppose in hindsight I should have. We talked a bit more about it and chalked it up to alcohol, but in the past few days it’s been bothering me as I keep thinking about his hand on her and that he’s told her before that he thinks she’s hot. And this was the first time I’ve heard of it.

We have a great marriage and I’ve never had a reason to not trust my wife, but I’m having a hard time getting over this. I’m also reluctant to see him again as I’m not sure how I might react if we happen to be in a similar situation.” Here’s his update:

I appreciate your input and all the comments from your readers. I’ve taken them to heart and had a follow-up conversation with my wife about the situation. I truly felt that I dropped the ball. I asked her how she felt during and after, if I could have done anything different, and how to best handle this situation in the future.

My wife is very low-key, is not easily rattled, and can handle herself in just about any situation. I know this and it could possibly explain why I didn’t immediately jump in when I saw what was happening.

She explained that although she was uncomfortable with what was happening, she felt that she still had control of the situation and would have reacted accordingly if his actions changed, becoming more aggressive or belligerent. She was happy we talked it through as she had some concern that I may have thought she initiated his advances on her. I assured her I did not think she brought any of the attention on herself and it was completely unwanted.

We developed a plan moving forward should this situation happen again (hopefully not…!). We’ve both learned from this experience, and our marriage is stronger.

I love my wife more than anything and want nothing more than for her to be happy and know how much I love her. We’ve had some bumps along the way but are working through them together.

Thanks again to you and your readers for the valuable insight.

 
Thanks for the update. Sounds like you both are on the same page and in a great place to handle any future bumps on the road that may come up. Best wishes to you both!

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If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at [email protected] with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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2 comments… add one
  • avatar

    Hannanas January 9, 2018, 4:21 am

    It’s good to hear that you’re communicating very openly – but is there going to be any follow-up regarding the ‘friend’? Is he still, that? Is there going to be some sort of confrontation?
    Also maybe it’s me, but I don’t really get the ‘uncomfortable but still in control of the situation’ thing? And why would he have to become aggressive for her to take action?

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  • Skyblossom

    Skyblossom January 9, 2018, 7:06 am

    I am stunned to learn that there are places in this country where this is somewhat routine and women just put up with it. I didn’t know that this was happening. I am surprised that women don’t just push the hand or arm away. There doesn’t have to be a scene to stop what is happening.

    I get women trying to put up with sexual harassment at work because they need the job and feel that they can’t say no but in the case of a neighbor there is no one in a position of authority. They are equal and it should be easy to put an end to it.

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