It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Anxious About Love” who was embarrassed when she said “I love you” to her long-distance boyfriend of five months, and he responded with, “Are we there yet?” She updated us once before when, after a year and a half of dating her boyfriend, she received an email from his other girlfriend — one she never knew existed. To make matters more complicated, she’d just accepted a job in the city where he lived. “I will still take the job — it’s a fantastic opportunity for my career — but clearly the personal reasons for moving to a new city are no longer there. I’m nervous and less excited now, but I’m trying to focus on the positives at this point.” Keep reading to see how she’s doing and whether she’s been in touch with the boyfriend since moving.
I wrote in before and sent an update a few months ago and wanted to send another update and thanks to you and to the DW community.
After finding out about the cheating/double life of my ex, I had a very difficult time. I was finishing graduate school and had to move from California to Missouri to live with my parents for a few months before beginning my job in Europe. I was leaving friends and the home I made for myself, and it was all very overwhelming for me. I considered foregoing my contract and not going to the same city where my ex would be, but after much thought (and many tearful nights) I decided to move.
The first few months here were difficult. I’m working in a new field, and I didn’t know anyone here. Except for the ex who kept on insisting that we be friends. He’s quite aggressive and kept sending me emails and trying to spend time with me, despite my (perhaps too-polite) requests for him to leave me alone. After a very snarky and sassy email I sent after a very mean, gaslight-y email from him, I haven’t heard from him since. It was like the clouds opened and it completely changed my outlook on being here.
I’ve made a great group of friends, traveled to several places so far, and am looking forward to all of the opportunities in my future, both personally and professionally.
On the romance side, I’ve also met someone who is one of the nicest men I’ve ever known. He makes me feel special whether I’m with him or if we are doing our own things, he cared for me when I was sick (and waiting in the ER waiting room for 3+ hours on a holiday), and we care about each other very much. I met him after things finally were finished for good with my ex, and I feel like having that clarity and personal happiness/positive outlook were so important. I am looking forward to all the future has in store for me and for us.
Thanks again for your feedback and for the support from the DW community! I’m so glad to have some positive news to share!
What a great update! Congratulations on making a wonderful life for yourself in your new home, and good luck to you on all your future endeavors!
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at email@example.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.