It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Anxious Wedding Guest,” who was nervous about running into her ex-boyfriend at a weekend destination wedding. She wrote: “After not seeing him for two years, to suddenly spend a whole weekend with him is going to be torturous! […] I really don’t want my best friend’s wedding to be tainted because of my feelings towards this a**hole.” After the jump, find out whether she let her ex ruin her experience at her best friend’s recent wedding.
First let me resolve one of the major questions from the readers. The ex was there because he is an old school buddy of the groom. They aren’t close so I don’t have to worry about seeing him on a regular basis; I guess the next time I will have to see him again will be another wedding or maybe a big birthday.
The wedding day came and I was so busy looking after the bride and groom that I forgot the ex was even there. I only noticed him after the ceremony when he was suddenly standing behind me. I could have been the bigger person and turned around, greeted him and made idle chit chat, but I didn’t do that. Why? I realized that I didn’t care anymore if he was there or not. It was such a beautiful day and I didn’t want to focus on him, even if it was for a couple of minutes.
Between running around, eating, giving a speech, drinking and dancing, I didn’t have time to acknowledge him all day and night. There were a few times when I would catch him looking at me, but I know it’s because I looked good and had a lot of male attention that night too! Winning!
Before the wedding I had not one but TWO Oprah “ah-ha moments.” The first, I realized that I wasn’t anxious to see him, I was anxious of the feelings that seeing him would bring up. Two years ago in an effort to get over him quickly, I had pushed aside my feelings of rejection and humiliation, thus not really dealing with them. Secondly, I realized I never missed him! I never longed for him after we broke up, never cried myself to sleep over him, I never got jealous of hearing him with other women, I never reminisced special moments with him, which made me think: was I just with him for convenience? Who knows, but I certainly don’t care anymore.
Thanks for the update! I’m glad the wedding was anxiety-free for you.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.