Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “At a Crossroads” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “At a Crossroads” who me a guy online who said he wanted to marry her but spent three years chasing other women and eventually moving in with one of them. “At this point,” she wrote, “I have totally given up, although I did ask were we still getting married, and he said yes. Now, I am taking him at his actions as opposed to his words. They don’t match up and more than likely I am the other woman, and I am being strung along. If I am, what do you suggest? Should I cut ties, or remain the friend and just not hang out?” After the jump, find out what she decided to do.

Since sending my email to Dear Wendy, things are about the same minus my contact with him. I have not spoken, texted or emailed him. The final nail in the coffin was him deciding to move in with the other woman. I thought that I was being ridiculous for thinking that he really wanted me. I also thought that maybe I was being severe for thinking about cutting off the friendship, because I secretly thought that there was something there (dumb, I know now).

In response to the many questions about if I slept with him, the answer is hell naw!!!! I have to be dating seriously before I even think about that. Yes, my self-esteem is in the tanker and has been for quite some time. Yes, for a while there I did believe him but I thought it was silly to hold on to a fantasy. Another question was age; sorry for not being more clear, but I am in grad school, so book smart yes, common sense no (damn), gullible as hades, clearly.

I am not seeking therapy, but I am removing people that are super crappy to me out of my life. Yes I am a doormat, but that is changing with the removal of people like him out of my life.

Thank you to everyone who responded!!!!

 

Thanks for the update and best of luck to you.

P.S. Therapy is probably something worth exploring. It’s helped a great many people and it could help you, too.

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at [email protected] with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

13 comments… add one
  • avatar

    6napkinburger November 7, 2011, 12:06 pm

    Wendy, where did the list of most recent comments go, on the right side??? That was my lifeline!!! Or is it just my browser??

    (Overdramatism for emphasis, noting it to let you know in case you don’t, not to be complainy. I understand Jackson has needs that supercede my own. 🙂 )

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    • JK

      JK November 7, 2011, 12:27 pm

      Mine have disappeared, as well, makes it harder to know what new comments there are!

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray November 7, 2011, 12:33 pm

      I’m missing the list too! Wendy, can you bring it back? When you have time. And can you make it longer, like show the last 10 comments or something? I like to watch the list and see if my favorite readers comment so I can check out what they say.

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        silver_dragon_girl November 7, 2011, 12:43 pm

        Me too. Makes for easier stalking.

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      MsMisery November 7, 2011, 2:12 pm

      Yep, gone! Waaah!

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    • Dear Wendy

      Wendy November 7, 2011, 8:26 pm

      I was tweaking some things on the site and needed to remove it for a bit, but it’s back now and I made the list longer.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray November 7, 2011, 9:41 pm

        Thanks, Wendy! My goal will be to leave 10 comments really fast so it says nothing but “Addie Pray” … (I have such lofty goals for myself.) But I don’t have anything insightful, funny, or personal to share so I’ll try to monopolize the list later.

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        6napkinburger November 8, 2011, 11:57 am

        Yay, they’re back!!!

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  • avatar

    Carolynasaurus November 7, 2011, 12:29 pm

    Good for you! And I’m glad, through your response, that you seem to have a sense of humor about the situation and yourself. This was an ugly situation to be in and it would be very easy to let it drag you down, but I’m so glad to hear that you reflected on what happened, picked up the pieces, and are moving in a healthier direction.

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  • avatar

    HmC November 7, 2011, 12:57 pm

    You’re one important step closer to finding the right person eventually LW. Good for you, keep moving in this direction.

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  • Will.i.am

    Will.i.am November 7, 2011, 1:24 pm

    This is a perfect time to work on you and get yourself right. When you are comfortable and in love with yourself, many other men will notice and want to swoon you. Men want something that they feel no one else can have. If you are fighting to get the crumbs of someone else, the guy will feel that you do that for any guy, and will most likely see you as a weak (desperate) individual. If you like to read, join a book club. If you want to get fit, join a gym. My one piece of advice is to do these activities for yourself. DO NOT DO THEM TO POTENTIALLY ATTRACT A MATE.

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  • theattack

    theattack November 7, 2011, 1:34 pm

    I’m glad you realized what was best for you and stood up for yourself. And if therapy isn’t for you, then that’s fine. Not everything requires a professional to overcome, and it sounds like you’re taking the right steps here. Keep it up!

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  • bittergaymark

    bittergaymark November 7, 2011, 2:56 pm

    Um. This update left me with more questions than answers… So, um, yeah — counseling might be a really good idea. To say that your self esteem is low is rather like saying the economy could perhaps be better…in other words a bit of an understatement…

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