Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “Baby on Board” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Baby on Board” who took a internship 2500 miles from home, started dating a guy she really liked, and got pregnant two months later. She said she wanted to keep the baby and wondered if she should tell the guy or keep it a secret from him since she was returning home and he would never have to find out. Keep reading to see what she decided.

It’s been several months since I wrote you, so I suspect now is a good time to provide an update on my letter. First off, thank you and the community for their advice. Of course, I should have told Jake; I think my panic was clouding what was clearly the most obvious and sane decision. I had taken three pregnancy tests and received the same positive answer, so the next step was to tell him, which I did, and head to the OB/GYN. He took the news in stride — he was a bit freaked out, to be expected, but very supportive. We made an appointment to go together and confirm what we thought was pretty much a sure thing.

Turns out, I wasn’t pregnant after all. My test was picking up a hormone level change that was indicative of tumors in my uterus. I didn’t even know that was possible, but I’m glad it is because I was able to get medical attention and everything turned out okay.

Jake was a great friend through everything, especially when I needed some help after the removal procedure. We still converse fairly regularly although I am now living back in the Midwest and he is out west. We never really had time to talk about what we would have done had I actually been pregnant, but I suspect he would have moved to wherever I got a job so we could co-parent. I am not sure if we would have stayed together, since we were never really a full-blown couple, but I do know that he is an amazing friend and my kid would have been so blessed to have him as a dad. As I said, you were all totally spot on – he needed to know – and I was being an idiot in that moment for thinking that I was shielding him from some terrible thing when a baby is so far from that.

Thanks for the advice! Getting a smack of reality from the readers helped me tell him sooner than I probably would have had I been fighting with myself in my head, which meant I found out about my tumors sooner and avoided even more painful procedures. I’ll call that a win! 🙂

Thanks for the update, and I’m so relieved you are doing well!!

***************

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at [email protected] with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

You can follow me on Facebook here and sign up for my weekly newsletter here.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].

53 comments… add one
  • avatar

    kerrycontrary December 12, 2013, 1:40 pm

    Wow! I did not even know that was possible. Glad everything worked out and you’re good as new.

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  • avatar

    bethany December 12, 2013, 1:50 pm

    That letter was a fun trip down memory lane.
    LW, I’m glad that everything turned out ok for you!

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  • avatar

    rachel December 12, 2013, 2:13 pm

    Wow, crazy! I’m glad everthing worked out!

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  • GatorGirl

    GatorGirl December 12, 2013, 2:17 pm

    I’m glad everything worked out!! Hope your health is on the mend!

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  • Fabelle

    Fabelle December 12, 2013, 2:18 pm

    Wellll, this was the best outcome, probably!

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    • avatar

      WAPS December 12, 2013, 8:53 pm

      Having tumors instead of a baby she wanted is the best outcome? I disagree.

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  • avatar

    anonymous for now December 12, 2013, 2:39 pm

    OMG I took a pregnancy test this morning and it was positive and we are so excited only now I’m really worried it’s not a baby but tumors in my uterus.

    Not to make it all about me, or anything. LW, I’m glad you’re healthy and happy with how everything turned out.

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    • avatar

      MissDre December 12, 2013, 3:58 pm

      Well now I want to know who’s pregnant, since you’re only anonymous for now 😛

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest December 12, 2013, 4:02 pm

      If you tell me who you are, I will give you a $1.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest December 12, 2013, 4:31 pm

        Ok, how does $2 dollars sound? A little more enticing? I thought so!

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      • Addie Pray

        Addie Pray December 12, 2013, 5:13 pm

        I’ll double it. That’s $4!

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    • Fabelle

      Fabelle December 12, 2013, 4:09 pm

      hahaha so tricky, who is this??

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    • avatar

      bethany December 12, 2013, 4:29 pm

      I wanna know, too! (and I’m jealous that you’re knocked up!!)

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      • Addie Pray

        Addie Pray December 12, 2013, 5:12 pm

        it’s bethany and she’s trying to throw us off by commenting – aha!

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    • avatar

      anonymous for now December 12, 2013, 4:31 pm

      I will tell you in February! Hopefully. I made an appointment for the 8 week mark with my OB this morning, and that’s not till January 6. I am useless at work today because it’s all I can think about. 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

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    • avatar

      trixy minx December 12, 2013, 5:13 pm

      I think i know!

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest December 12, 2013, 5:14 pm

        WHOOOOOO. I can’t handle this!!

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest December 12, 2013, 5:16 pm

        I think I know too now. It would be rude to facebook her and ask, right?

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      • avatar

        Banana December 12, 2013, 5:17 pm

        MrMid? Do you have something you need to tell us?

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    • avatar

      Lily in NYC December 13, 2013, 8:56 am

      Anon, let yourself be happy! Don’t forget, OP was on the pill and was using condoms when she got her false positive. Chances are you are really pregnant, especially if you’ve been trying. Congrats, I hope!!

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    • Jess

      Jess December 13, 2013, 9:37 am

      Well, it’s not me, in case that was someone’s guess. Wish it was!! Congrats to you!

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  • avatar

    TheOtherOtherMe December 12, 2013, 2:42 pm

    Aaaaaaannd…. the moral of the story is, don’t ASSUME you are pregnant until this has been officially verified by a doctor.

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest December 12, 2013, 2:50 pm

      I would totally assume I was pregnant if I had 3 positive tests.

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    • avatar

      bethany December 12, 2013, 3:05 pm

      I’ve always heard that you can’t have a false positive test and assumed that to be true…?

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest December 12, 2013, 3:07 pm

        I took my tests in the middle of the night and the next morning, I had come up with a million reasons why it was definitely, for sure, a false positive. Some were pretty funny now that I think about it.

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      • kare

        kare December 12, 2013, 3:21 pm

        You can get false positives caused by medical reasons, user error, or manufacturer error. Two of my friends took separate pregnancy tests from the same box (one girl was late, the other wasn’t sexually active but did it for moral support). Both came back positive. They decided to try a different brand and fortunately neither one was pregnant.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest December 12, 2013, 3:22 pm

        Baby Jesus?

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest December 12, 2013, 3:28 pm

        Hello people! That was hysterical! Laugh!

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson December 12, 2013, 3:33 pm

        I laughed. If that helps.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest December 12, 2013, 3:36 pm

        It does, thank you.

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      • avatar

        Janie4 December 12, 2013, 4:12 pm

        No, they can be false. I read a case where a guy took one, and it turned out positive, and he posted it on his blog as a joke. Some readers told him to go to the doctor, because a positive test, like the original poster, could mean he had cancer. He went to the doctor, and it turned out that he did have cancer.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest December 12, 2013, 4:14 pm

        jeez, I didn’t know this was a thing!

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      • avatar

        Matcha December 12, 2013, 6:18 pm

        Yep, if it’s a man it’s indicative of certain types of testicular cancer. However, if you get a negative result it doesn’t mean you’re cancer-free. Just that you wouldn’t have that particular type of cancer that results in a positive test.

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      • avatar

        bethany December 12, 2013, 4:31 pm

        Holy shit.
        I have never, ever heard of the cancer/false positive thing before. That should get a little more press!

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      • avatar

        Ele4phant December 12, 2013, 9:34 pm

        Well, how they work is by testing for an increased amount of hormones on your urine, right? So her tests weren’t “wrong” they were measuring higher levels of hormones, but unfortunately the spike was not because of a pregnancy.

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      • avatar

        shanshantastic December 13, 2013, 9:00 am

        Pregnancy tests measure the level of Hcg in your system. Elevated and continually rising levels USUALLY indicate an early pregnancy, but as in the LW’s case they can also suggest a reproductive issue. The test accurately indicates if the hormone is present, the hormone itself just doesn’t always mean baby. That’s why having it verified by an OB is necessary.

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      • Miel

        Miel December 13, 2013, 11:16 am

        I think it’s really uncommon to have a false negative but false positive happens all the time for the at-home pregnancy test. That’s why you want a blood test to be done, because the false positive for the blood test are incredibly low.

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      • avatar

        MMcG December 13, 2013, 11:51 am

        I didn’t even get a blood test, at 8 weeks my doctor gave me a vaginal ultrasound to confirm (to think that politicians were trying to mandate that is crazy BTW). It was a little creepy because you could still see the yolk sac (not twins!) but you also could see the heartbeat which was amazing.

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    • avatar

      MissDre December 12, 2013, 4:00 pm

      How would a doctor verify it other than just giving you another pregnancy test? I’m wondering if she found out about her tumours when she went for an ultrasound?

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest December 12, 2013, 4:02 pm

        blood test

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl December 12, 2013, 4:03 pm

        A blood test and/or ultra sound?

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      • avatar

        MissDre December 12, 2013, 4:39 pm

        Blood test just confirms the presence of the hormone though, right? Wouldn’t you need an ultrasound to see that there’s actually no baby in there, but tumours instead?

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      • avatar

        jlyfsh December 12, 2013, 4:55 pm

        it’s possible that the tests at the doctor’s also showed up as positive due to the increased hormone levels and so they went ahead and did the ultrasound. when do they do the first ultrasound 8 weeks or the minute there is a positive test result?

        they could have also done a pelvic exam on her and realized something felt weird and not baby-ish and done an ultrasound as well maybe.

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      • avatar

        AmyP December 13, 2013, 11:03 am

        These days, you get a dating ultrasound right off, even at around 5 weeks or so. That just standard procedure these days. Among other things, it lets them get a much more exact due date than you can obtain by last menstrual period, which could be very unreliable for those with weird cycles. Also, you can actually see the heartbeat on ultrasound before you can hear it, which is nice (as well as medically significant–once you have a beating heart, the odds of a successful pregnancy substantially increase).

        I’ve had pregnancies from 2001 to 20012 (not non-stop!) and they do a lot more ultrasounds today than they did 12 years ago.

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      jlyfsh December 12, 2013, 4:58 pm

      so before surgery they do a pregnancy test. apparently there is a control and then your test. well the control was positive, mine was negative. but, all i heard when she asked for results (she must have been asking for the control results!) was positive and my blood pressure spiked up, haha. ahhh thankfully there was no unexpected baby. not that i thought there was but i feel like no matter what i will always worry that i might be pregnant.

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    • avatar

      AmyP December 12, 2013, 8:43 pm

      Or until a baby pops out.

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    • avatar

      MMcG December 13, 2013, 11:45 am

      YES YES YES on waiting till you get to the doctor!!! I know that technology has advanced with those little sticks, but it amazes me the people who go so far down a particular path and make decisions without actually going to the doctor first. (NOT ANON… and I have no clue who you are but wish you all the best… waiting till the 8week mark is a wee bit of torture given that those sticks can tell you at like 5 days… at least that’s how I felt)

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  • avatar

    TheOtherOtherMe December 12, 2013, 2:57 pm

    From experience, I have learned that those tests are not 100% accurate. In fact I recently took two tests that said I was NOT pregnant, and then I had a miscarriage (verified by my ob/gyn), so go figure…

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  • CatsMeow

    CatsMeow December 12, 2013, 5:35 pm

    Is this a “molar pregnancy”? My friend had a molar pregnancy once and I’ve never quite understood it. Maybe I’ll learn next semester when I get to take an OB class! I’m sooo excited for OB it’s ridiculous.

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  • fast eddie

    fast eddie December 12, 2013, 6:57 pm

    I love happy endings and now we’ll want to hear if you two actually get together and stay that way. He sounds like a keeper to me.

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  • avatar

    MMcG December 13, 2013, 11:52 am

    I can’t actually reply to anyone… am I having personal IT failure or is something up??

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    • GatorGirl

      GatorGirl December 13, 2013, 12:01 pm

      I think something is up.

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  • avatar

    Footsytoesies December 13, 2013, 1:28 pm

    Wonder if the “tumors” the LW was referring to were from a molar pregnancy.

    Btw, I’m prego 🙂

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