It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from Blind-Sided, whose boyfriend sent her a slew of nasty drunken texts, threatening to cheat, after he learned that she shared a bed with two platonic friends during a recent snowstorm. “Since then, he has been texting apologies periodically, has said that I did nothing to deserve that treatment and that the threat to cheat was an empty threat. Is this a red flag, or a fluke, and how should I move forward from this?” After the jump, found out how she proceeded and whether she’s still with the boyfriend.
First, thank you so much for addressing my dilemma; your advice was spot on. When I wrote to you, I had not considered walking away from the relationship, but rather needed guidance about how to deal with the hurt and mistrust that I was feeling from the situation. Your advice struck a chord with me that a meaningful relationship means accepting the ugly parts of each other. As hard as it was for me to imagine letting go of the hurt that I was feeling, that in turn helped me realize how hard it must have been for my boyfriend to move past his feelings about me sharing a bed with old friends, which is where much of his actions stemmed from. Apologies are a necessary step to mending, but only time can heal all wounds.
As for today, my boyfriend and I have forgiven but not forgotten, as this experience has definitely helped us grow as partners. For one, my boyfriend is committed to working on being more open with his feelings after seeing what suppressing them can turn into, and I am working on being more aware of how my actions and decisions affect the relationship while cutting my boyfriend some slack since aside from this one incident, he really is a stand up guy. Thanks again, and congrats on dearwendy.com, I’m quite excited!
That’s awesome! I’m so glad you took your relationship drama as an opportunity to grow together rather than apart. Best of luck to you!
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.