It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Brand New Wife” who wondered whether she should MOA from what sounded like a very one-sided friendship. My response was one of the few times I gave only a one-word answer. Keep reading for an update.
First, I would like to say a quick thank you to all the commenters for all the advice and stories that they shared, especially KerryContrary, ReginaRay, AnitaBath, and the lovely MissDre. So within a day or two of you posting my letter and reading all the comments multiple times, I decided quite quickly to pull the plug on our friendship starting with FaceBook. I unfriended her and took “LK’s” advice and reached out to her brother, whom I was and still am close with. I let him know that I just couldn’t be there for her anymore and that I had concerns for her emotional and mental well-being. He swiftly wrote back with his acceptance that there is something wrong and that he and their family had been trying to get her to find some help. Feeling that this was enough, I began moving on.
She, on the other hand, had other plans, and, when her barrage of text messages went unanswered, she began to recruit mutual friends, acquaintances, and her husband to bother me. Mutual friends were told that our problems were between us, and I refused to go in-depth into what happen or to even explain my side of the situation when they brought up everything she said, which actually proved to be beneficial to me because I didn’t have to defend my actions or talk constantly of what happened. When her husband began to message me, I tried to explain to him how I felt and how the wedding was just the final cannon blast to signal our friendship was over. He told me I “needed to apologize and fix our relationship because “T” was torn up over everything.” I told him in a very sailor-like way to fornicate with himself since his wife was too busy with her boyfriend, and I blocked him on all social media sites and everything else. Which was pretty much the end of it.
I have maintained a close relationship with her family, even visiting them this last Christmas while I was on leave. I was worried about seeing them again since the whole blow-up, but they welcomed me with open arms and her mother kept apologizing for her daughter’s actions. During our conversations I learned several things that I hadn’t before: one being her mother had also offered to pay for her to come to my wedding.
I’m honest when I say I was worried about ending this friendship. We’d been friends since middle school, and, when things became bad for me at home, she and her family would take me in. I guess I was more worried about losing my “safe” place and all the great memories associated with who she used to be. I was also sure that losing her as a friend would somehow impact my life in some really significant way since she had always been there. Boy, was I wrong. I still wake up in the morning, I still go to work, I still call up and hang out with mutual
friends when I’m on leave, and I live life like I did when she was still a part of it. My fears were unfounded. It’s been almost two years and all that has happened since I cut her out has been the noticeable lack of drama in my life.
Well, a-men, sister. Amen.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at email@example.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.