It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “College Sweetheart” whose letter appeared in a shortcuts column last year. She wrote:
I’ve been dating a great guy for just over six months. We’re both college students, so we’re coming back from being long distance all summer. It was a challenge, but lots of Skype and texting made it work. We’re exclusive, but we haven’t defined what it is we’re doing. He’s met my parents, and a few of my friends but when we spend time together it’s just us. What we’re doing makes me happy but I would like to figure out where on the serious scale we are, especially since he graduates in the spring. I don’t want to feel crushed if come May it turns out I thought we were more serious than he thought we were. Help!
Keep reading to see whether they ever defined their relationship, and more importantly, whether they’re still together post-graduation.
Listen to your gut. It’s usually smarter than your heart. Have some serious discussions with your boyfriend about his feelings for this woman and let him know his friendship with her unsettles you (and give him reasons WHY you feel unsettled). Pay attention to his response. Does he help you feel more settled, or does he leave you feeling anxious? DO NOT make long-term plans with this guy until you feel comfortable and confident that he only has feelings for you. You’re so young and to commit your life to someone will take unwavering commitment to each other and confidence in your relationship. Doesn’t sound like you’re there yet.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.