It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Concerned Sister and Aunt,” whose sister, a single mother, was planning to elope with a former boyfriend she’d only been reunited with a few weeks. We’ve actually already been updated once before, but now we have a (not-so-happy) update to the update, after the jump.
I thought I would give you another update because things have really changed with my sister. Three months and one week into their marriage, all hell broke loose. There was a huge fight about Facebook of all things. There was a lot of jealousy and many issues surrounding who was friending whom and ultimately they decided to separate. There was also a concern on her part that he was favoring the two younger kids while being very hard on her oldest. I asked her if she would consider counseling because there were a lot of underlying issues, but she refused (much to his chagrin).
Three days after the separation, there was an even bigger fight. They were still living in the same house and the fight escalated to violence, one person being arrested, my 10-year-old nephew being told that he needed to leave the house with their dog, and a major Facebook and in-person slam war between my sister, her soon-to-be ex-husband and their friends and family (I opted to stay out of it completely). While my sister couldn’t return to the house they had just moved into together for three days, he took the stove, the medicine cabinet, and a lot of other items. All in all, it has been a huge mess. The kids seem to be holding up okay but my sister is making a lot of bad decisions (including moving in with her ex who is not a healthy person, does drugs and drinks a lot, has scared their mutual children, etc). I am still trying to be there for her, but have been quite upfront with how I feel about decisions she asks my advice about (ok, and some that she hasn’t if they are affecting the kids).
I wish I could have stuck to the good update, but overall this was a really messy situation and I wish she had listened to those of us around her that told her it may be better to wait to get married. All I can ask for now is that she focus on herself and her kids and move forward with her life, hopefully making better decisions. Thank you and your readers again for all the advice as I am still using it to help deal with how to talk to her as she tries to rebuild her life out of this turmoil.
Jesus, those poor kids. Please continue to be there for them as much as you can. It seems they could really use a stable and caring adult in their lives. Good luck!
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.