It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Concerned Submissive Feminist,” who had recently started hooking up with a guy she met on Craigslist to explore her submission fetish and worried about whether she was promoting violence against women by letting him dominate her sexually. After the jump, find out whether she came to a resolution for herself.
But after he evaded a few perfectly harmless questions, I came to the conclusion that he’s probably married or something close, so I ended it. I’m pretty open-minded, but that’s not OK with me. He never admitted it, but it was pretty obvious (i.e. he was only available in the morning or right after work and never on the weekends).
I definitely feel your concern about safety. It was way out of normal behavior for me, but (maybe because of a recent break-up) it was something I did out of the sheer need to break down a few boundaries. I do think I was lucky, but even though my physical well-being wasn’t at risk, I still didn’t know what I was getting into — and married/lying to his significant other isn’t OK.
One positive, however, that did come out of it is I was able to explore a fetish I’d never had the courage to explore before. The anonymity of it allowed me to do things I would have been shy or embarrassed to try with someone I knew. But now that I know it is definitely something I am very into, I will feel a lot more comfortable broaching it with a man who I meet in a more appropriate way.
Thanks for the update — glad to hear everything has worked out OK for you and you’ve reached an acceptance and comfort about your fetish.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.