Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “Confused and Newly Horny” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Confused and Newly Horny” whose new boyfriend wanted to remain celibate for two months after they had sex to make sure he wanted to stay with her (through his upcoming deployment) without his judgment being clouded by lust. Or something like that. Keep reading to see how that worked out.

We broke up. We were only able to talk two times in the past two weeks that he was deployed (no service in the middle of the desert during training stuff) and, when we did talk, his demeanor had completely changed. He wasn’t ready for a relationship. And during those two weeks, I was someone who I am not – insecure, upset.. despite what one commenter might think, I’m not a batshit “stage 5 clinger.” I just had a great, MUTUAL connection with this guy…who took his time away from me to figure out that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. A huge factor in this was his discovery that he will likely be deployed for up to 15 months… and I can’t do that. I don’t know him well enough and we don’t have the strength in our bond to facilitate staying together through that distance…

We left things on good terms. I do respect that he shut things down as soon as he started having doubts. But I guess my intuition that this was sketchy was correct, because this was the first sign that things were headed for splitsville. And honestly, after two weeks of feeling like I was completely helpless and subject to his decision of whether or not he would want to be with me, I was relieved to end things. We did commit to exclusivity too soon, and that ruined the good thing we had going. Lesson learned.

 
Thanks for the update.

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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  • avatar

    Addie Pray July 23, 2012, 10:50 pm

    Is this comment section blank because of people getting all nuts and taking things personally?! Darnit!!!!!!! People, stop messing with me. I live for DW and comments on DW and when they go poof I feel sad.

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