It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Crazy in Love” who was suspicious that her boyfriend was cheating on her so she snooped on his phone and found sketchy texts from another woman. She confronted her boyfriend and he explained that they were just friends. She wondered whether she should trust him. Keep reading to see where things stand between them now and if she ever learned any more about that mystery woman who was texting her boyfriend.
As I suspected, I DID have reason for concern, to an extent.
This female friend was someone he dated two years before I met him. She cheated on him with an old boyfriend and left him to go back to the ex. A few months before I met him, she and her ex had broken up and she and my SO were getting together for NSA sex. When he met me, he told her that he had met someone and would not be seeing her anymore. That’s when the problem started. She had some psycho tendencies and would call him in a panic, threatening to harm herself if he didn’t come over. Because he cared about her as a friend, he went. And while there, she would seduce him. This happened twice and, he said, it happened before we declared our monogamy/being a couple.
For the next 18 months, she tried and tried to get him to come to her house. He DID answer her texts and phone calls, but said he did nothing to encourage her to keep after him. She pretty much said she would be relentless until she had him back. And being the overly nice guy he is, he didn’t want to hurt her feelings by getting ugly with her. He did nicely ask her to stop contact on numerous occasions. She would stop for a few months, but then start contacting him again.
When he announced on Facebook that we were engaged, she went nuts. Called him crying, etc. . . . telling him how she thought they’d have a chance as long as he didn’t marry me. He told her once and for all to leave him alone. This was in November of last year. She texted him three times after that and he did not respond to her. She then texted him on New Year’s Eve to say, “Happy New Year’s Eve, Baby.” Of course, I was with him and he showed me the text. He was at a loss as to how to get her to stop contacting him. Well, I took matters into my own hands and sent her a very nasty text message. I am not one to curse much, but my text was full of profanity. Yes, it might’ve been immature of me, but we both wanted her to leave him alone. He then blocked her number and blocked her from Facebook. To date, she has made no attempt to contact him. I think she finally got the picture!
Yes, she caused us some problems, but we worked through them because we sincerely love each other. Initially, he was being shady and doing things behind my back, and sometimes that is hard for me to forget. But I try to focus on what we have now and I do trust him completely. I do not believe he would ever hurt me by getting involved with another woman. I look forward to spending the rest of my life with him.
It sounds like it took your now-husband a while to get the picture, too. If you’re dating someone you care about and another person is vying for your attention, to the point of being disrespectful, you have to pick a side and cut communication with the one you don’t choose. That means not being Facebook friends and not answering calls and emails and texts. When you’re dealing with a stalker, ANY response you give him or her is huge. I’m glad that your husband finally figured that out, that he stopped responding to her, and that she seems to be leaving you both alone now. Good luck to you.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.