It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Crossed Boundaries” who was frustrated that her live-in boyfriend’s neighbor friend was always over at their place and they never had time alone anymore. After the jump, find out why her neighbor was over all the time and whether he’s still crossing those boundaries.
I got home one night after writing my letter to find Jim was there once again. My BF knew just by looking at me that I wasn’t happy about it, but Jim had only come up to borrow something and was quickly on his way. My BF took this opportunity to fill me in on what had actually been going on. He apologized for having Jim over so much, he told me he meant absolutely no disrespect to me and wasn’t trying to hurt me at all. He felt really bad because he’d been put in an awkward situation; Jim has been coming over before I got home so he could talk to my BF privately.
It turns out that Jim and his wife are in the process of splitting up. My bf is divorced and has some experience with these things and Jim wanted his advice as well as just someone to vent to. Apparently he’s been coming to the door in tears and my BF, being the good guy that he is, couldn’t turn him away. By the time I get home, Jim’s usually done his venting and has been avoiding going home because of all the unpleasantness associated with the split. So the BF has been trying to balance Jim’s need to vent and my need for alone time.
So, my BF asked me to be patient, because Jim needs some support while he goes through this. I agreed that I would also lend my support to Jim just so long as it doesn’t interfere with our relationship. We both sat down and talked to Jim and told him essentially the same thing: we know that he’s going through a rough time and we’re here for him, but he has to respect our need for time alone. My BF told him that our relationship is first priority and everything else comes second. So from now on Jim has agreed to text or call the us before he comes over. He even made us dinner one night as a way of saying thanks.
As for Jim’s wife I haven’t seen her in probably a couple of weeks. At this point I’m not sure if I should go down to her place and talk to her or not. With the situation being what it is I don’t know if it would be awkward and since from what I’ve heard its getting kind of ugly between her and Jim, I don’t know if I should be getting involved. But maybe just to let her know that if she needs someone to talk to I’m here for her.
Thanks again for all your help and advice.
I’m so glad you reached an agreement and understanding with your boyfriend (and Jim). I guess if I were you, I might reach out to Jim’s wife some time and just tell her you heard what’s going on, you’re sorry to hear it, and if she ever wants someone to talk to, you’re available. But it would also be understandable if you want to stay out of it or keep your loyalty to Jim.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.