It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Crushed,” who wrote in back in May about having a crush on a guy with a girlfriend, whom she’d been friends with a couple months. She knew she needed to MOA, but worried that cutting contact with him without explaining why would make him sad, given their friendship. Keep reading to see how she settled things.
I did take part of yours and the commenters’ advice, sticking by my original hunch that I should not tell him, and I don’t know why I was thinking I should. I realized I had nothing to gain by doing that, not to mention I’ve never met his girlfriend and didn’t want to get off on the wrong foot with her should I ever meet her. I still haven’t said anything to him, and he doesn’t seem to have any clue that I liked him to begin with.
However, I couldn’t take the advice about cutting him off. I want to work in his career field, and wanted to before I developed my feelings for him. We’re in a field where networking is crucial to success and finding jobs, especially the first job in the field, and we originally met because he was, and still is, supporting my career goals. Since we could end up being colleagues at some point, which means I would have to talk to him, I have to maintain a professional relationship with him. I’ve never believed in putting my career before a man anyway, so a professional relationship is something I could be happy with.
I realized recently that I should consider myself to have a great mentor in my career, and even though his girlfriend is lucky to have a great guy, I know I’m lucky too, just in a different way.
As far as my personal life is concerned, I still haven’t found a guy to date yet. I am going to the gym 2-3 times a week and doing online dating, but I’m also trying to live my life and find ways to be content without a boyfriend. I try to have the attitude that if a guy comes, he comes, but if he doesn’t, that’s OK too.
Thanks for all your help, and I’m so glad I could move on!
Thanks for the update!
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.