Updates: “Dating Grief” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Dating Grief” whose boyfriend’s father passed away just two months after they started dating. “It’s been just over a month now since his father passed, and things have changed between W and me. She wrote. “I am worried you will judge me as sounding selfish for feeling this way, but I feel this is a very hard situation to be in when one’s trying to develop a new relationship.” Keep reading to see how she’s doing now.

I wrote to you about five months ago about my new relationship and how it was affected by the death of my boyfriend’s dad. I am very happy to report that we are still together and going quite strong. I took yours’ and readers’ advice extremely seriously, and I can’t tell you how many times I had to come back and re-read everything for support. I also read Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ “On Grief and Grieving” and it was very helpful.

Shortly after I wrote, things became even more difficult for W, and for our relationship as a result. I believe he was at his lowest point. We went through two months of very minimal affection, communication, and sex. I think it was extremely difficult for him to muster up any kind of intimacy. Shortly after, we decided on a brief trip to Vegas and I think it was just what he needed; I got to see his face light up and laugh with him, and we were like two partners in crime once again.

We are doing much better these days, but W still has periods where he needs to be alone and I’ve learned to understand those needs. (He gives me space when I need it, too). I’ve learned some serious selflessness and patience from this experience. I’m so glad I’ve stuck around, because I’ve never been in a relationship that made me this fulfilled. (Sappy side note: we just exchanged first-time “I love you’s” this past weekend. 🙂

Thanks again for your advice!

Aw… So sweet. Thank you for your update. Best of luck to you both!

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

4 Comments

LW, what an awesome update and so happy to hear of your success. The loss of a loved one, especially so early in a relationship, is probably one of the most stressful things to endure. I have dated two different guys who lost their brothers during our respective relationships, and have learned that it can either destroy a relationship or make it stronger. You both sound lucky to have found one another. It sounds like your boyfriend knows he can rely on you and knows you have a good character. Supporting people through death brings out the best and worst in people. I’m glad this seems to have brought out the best.