It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Daughter of Dad with Alzheimer’s” whose father was newish-ly diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. The LW’s main issue was with her father’s wife, who was otherwise great but who made nonstop comments about the effects of his disease when the LW was visiting. “I obviously want to be kept up-to-date on my dad’s condition,” she wrote, [but] I want to be able to spend time with her and my dad and not be reminded of his condition at every opportunity.” Keep reading to see how things are now four years later.
Your advice was wonderful and they were the most thoughtful and empathetic words I’ve received from anyone about my Dad.
Following your advice and the commenters’, I started making a point of calling my dad’s wife in advance of our visits to discuss any current issues. I don’t know why it hadn’t occurred to me to do so before; it was the obvious solution. She could communicate what was currently going on (or sometimes just vent), which meant we could focus on just spending time together during visits.
Unfortunately his disease has progressed as expected and he will be entering residential care as soon as possible. He has been on a wait list for a few months and we are hoping that a placement will open soon.
Thanks, Wendy, for your site and your incredibly compassionate advice.
Thank you so much for your update. I’m really glad you’ve been able to have meaningful visits with your dad while he was stilt home, and, though I’m very sorry to hear that the Alzheimer’s has progressed as expected, I hope he’s able to get a place in a good facility as soon as possible and that both you and his wife can continue enjoying some meaningful moments with him, knowing he is well-cared for.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.