It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Disliked By His Mom,” the teenager who wrote in last week about how her boyfriend’s mom disapproved of her. Keep reading for some clarification on her original letter and hope for the future.
Thanks for some of the guidance, but in reading the comments, I guess I wasn’t too clear about a few things and they were taken wrong. I also wanted to update what happened the next morning after I sent this message to you and after he told me about talking to his dad and whatever his dad said that was what was going to happen to our relationship.
So, the next morning, as soon as we saw each other, he told me that he was sorry, that everything he said was not true the night before. He said he is not going to have his parents dictate to him who he can be with and he told me that he was just going to start having me over to his house and making his mom get to know me and if she still doesn’t like me then too bad, he would still have me over anyway and that he didn’t care what she thought anymore. He told me he is just going to ignore her rants from now on and that he doesn’t care what she wants, he is happy with me and is not going to lose me because of her and what she wants.
So, needless to say, this made me extremely happy and I feel a lot better about the fact that he is at least standing up to his mother, and I am hopeful that if she spends more time with me around him, that her opinion might change of me.
To clarify a few other things: His mother is not single — she divorced his father, but she remarried when my boyfriend was about 11. He has an older brother, who is now 20, and their mom is always meddling in his relationships too, so I just think it’s the way she is. And my boyfriend is her youngest, and is basically her slave/maid/cook, etc. (the woman apparently does nothing), and I think she doesn’t like the thought that she might be losing that. I don’t know, but I am happy that he said that he doesn’t care and isn’t going to have her influence him negatively. Hopefully, he follows through with his plan of having me over. We’ll have to see.
Another clarification: when I spoke my parents and them being high school sweethearts, there were some comments indicating that I am speaking of this as if they are perfect. They’re not. I just think it is awesome that, despite life’s ups and downs, they are still together. I should’ve just said that my parents adore my boyfriend and my mom is really close to him, and they have a great relationship. I guess I said this because I wish I had the same relationship with his mother that he has with my family.
Anyway, and about how we have talked about getting married and having kids: I’m not talking about the near future. We both are preparing to attend college after we graduate in six months (both, however, probably going to the same community college), but anyway, we both have our own goals and jobs and our own lives.
Anyway, thank you for your insightful comments.
You may have your own goals and jobs and have lives of your own, but you don’t have homes of your own. Until you pay your own rent or mortgage and get out from under your parents’ roofs, I’m not so sure defying your boyfriend’s mother and coming over to her home against her wishes is the best way to ingratiate yourself with her. Your boyfriend may not “care” what his mother thinks, but I bet he’ll care if she throws him out once he’s 18 because she’s sick of dealing with an unwanted house guest and suddenly he has to pay his own way in the world. Freedom is great, don’t get me wrong, but it comes with a cost. Better make sure you’re prepared to deal with the expense before you go chasing it.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at email@example.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.