Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “Ditched on New Years Eve” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Ditched on New Years Eve,” who was upset that her boyfriend was going to spend NYE partying with his friends instead of hanging out with her at her parents’ place. After the jump, see whether they resolved the issue.


Thanks so much for your response, it was very helpful and helped me organize my thoughts – hard to do during finals week!
My boyfriend and I are typically good at communicating and so this was unusual in that I hadn’t already told him that I was upset he was ditching me on NYE. I approached him about the problem, and was open with why it was stressing me out – the underlying issue of prioritization.

What you said about me wanting to spend NYE with my family and my boyfriend at the same time is spot on. After talking to my boyfriend and just telling him how I feel, and hearing him acknowledge that he was sad but that NYE isn’t a reflection of how much he loves me was pretty much all it took to make me feel better. We are splitting a plane ticket so I can fly up and see his family before Christmas. I know now that this NYE isn’t some cosmic sign of doom, it’s just how things worked out this year.

Here are some things the readers might want to know:

1) I actually party too – just not all the time! It is the particular mix of friends that the boyfriend will be partying with that night that’s just not my scene. Something different for NYE next year sounds like an awesome idea, I can’t believe I hadn’t thought of that before! He has other friends whom I love though, so don’t worry about that haha.

2) We actually have a ton in common – from politics to religious views, family values, senses of humor – but you would never know that from my plea for help! We wanted to spend some time being on our own in college before planning for a future together because we are very aware of how young we are, but we couldn’t stand it after five months haha.

3) I was fully aware that it is odd to want to spend NYE with my parents, which is part of why I wrote to Wendy – I wanted to gauge how much of an issue this really is – was it something that was even fair to ask? I don’t think it was, and it turns out it is a non-issue now, which makes me even happier! (PS He actually is pretty close to my parents, or I never would have entertained the idea to begin with).

Thanks your thoughtful and genuine advice – sometimes a girl just needs that unbiased third perspective to clear everything up. You (and the readers) are great!

Happy holidays!

Thanks for the update!

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

10 comments… add one
  • avatar

    Amber December 29, 2011, 1:20 pm

    Ummm…okay….

    so are you guys spending new years together or not?

    Reply Link
    • avatar

      ele4phant December 29, 2011, 1:30 pm

      I think its a no…but they talked about how she was feeling and resolved any hurt feelings.

      At least, I think that’s what she’s saying…

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        justpeachy December 29, 2011, 2:06 pm

        Yeah, this update was hella confusing. We didn’t really need to know if you had things in common or if you like to party. We just needed to know that you did the healthy, grown up things and actually TALKED about the situation and if you were still pushing spending NYE with your parents…

        Link
    • avatar

      Anna December 30, 2011, 5:46 pm

      Sounds like a “No, but she’s ok with it because it’s not a reflection of how he feels about her.” That’s pretty fair. It’s very important to me to spend NYE with my boyfriend but it’s also easy to do because we have most of the same friends and same idea of what a good NYE party constitutes: champagne, midnight blunt, good friends, and my parents far away! I would welcome his parents though; they are cool ex-hippies while mine are uptight fundamentalist Christians.

      Reply Link
  • avatar

    spark December 29, 2011, 2:08 pm

    Yeah, it was an otherwise good update, but she left out the actual resolution!

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    Fabelle December 29, 2011, 2:28 pm

    It’s sort of muddled in with everything else, but I think this line explains that they’re spending it apart: “I know now that this NYE isn’t some cosmic sign of doom, it’s just how things worked out this year.”

    Reply Link
  • bittergaymark

    bittergaymark December 30, 2011, 11:46 am

    Yeah, even though the wording could be clearer, I totally just took it to be that she had made peace with NOT being together New Years Eve… The “Cosmic sign of doom” line struck me the exact same way that it did Fabelle….

    Reply Link
  • drdre

    drdre December 30, 2011, 1:51 pm

    I don’t think it’s weird to spend new years with your parents. Actually, in our family NYE is a time to spend the last moments and new moments of the year(s) amongst family. We have spent every new years together, and i’m 28 now. I have 4 brothers, and occasionally someone will try to spend it with their friends or go party. But that is seen as a sign of disrespect. Actually that’s the controversy this year with the youngest. Well, also that my other brother’s gf decided to make their anniversary on NYE, so she takes precedent of the tradition. That’s another story. Will be spending it with my parents, bf, aunts, cousins, and best of all grandma. She’s been sick so it’s best to cherish and celebrate with those who matter most. It’s a nice tradition, and i hold it very dear. Nothing is more important than family, and why not celebrate with them!

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    LW March 18, 2013, 9:06 pm

    I feel so dumb! I doubt anyone will read this given that it is from so long ago, but ultimately I ended up flying to spend time with him before xmas, and then I actually did go to the party and he came to my parents for NYD, (albeit he was embarrassingly hungover) We dated until November of 2012, when he broke up with me out of the blue. It was an awful breakup, and now I am dating someone who so far seems to have a lot of potential. I just sent off a response to Wendy updating her, but I hadn’t realized that I did such a bad job giving a detailed update! My apologies.

    Reply Link
    • lynn

      lynn March 18, 2013, 10:32 pm

      It’s on the side bar… we will all see!

      I’m sorry to hear about the break up! Hopefully this new guy works out for you. 🙂

      Reply Link

Leave a Comment