It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Ex Effect” who wondered if she really was as stupid as her friends, family and Google said she was for dating her ex again. Keep reading to see whether they’re still together and if she’s made peace with her decision.
I have decided to continue to date my ex-boyfriend, and things are still great. I think some mentioned that I wasn’t telling you guys all the details (red flags, etc.), but I really am! I think there haven’t been any red flags because my boyfriend and I really only dated long enough that it was still “happy happy sparkle sparkle” all the time, and we didn’t really face any true problems since it was still a honeymoon phase. So, with this round, we’re discovering some road bumps, but we’re both willing to work on them. And so far, I am excited to continue dating him now and after college. Even if things don’t work out, I’m telling myself that the world doesn’t end and we really did have a good time knowing each other.
As far as my family goes, therapy, and reading this post over, has given me a lot to think about. They are very nice people, but they are really overbearing. I’m going to therapy to try to help myself stand up to them, not only in this issue, but many others that I’ve had trouble with (like going to a big city after I graduate, which they are adamantly against).
I did tell them recently that I am dating my ex. This did not go over well at all. One of my brothers is very mean to me now, and my parents constantly tell me how disappointed they are. When I asked them why and tried to sit down with them about it, there was no solid response. I wanted to know what the reason is for their disapproval, let them know that I value their opinion, and really sit down and hear their concerns in case I am truly missing something about my ex that I have been blocking out. But the only SOLID reason they could give me was, “He broke up with you, he has the upper hand from now on. You should break up with him first to spite him.” Also, variations of, “Because I told you not to, and I think it’s disrespectful that you are not listening to what I think is best.”
But that’s it. I am sticking to my guns, but it is stressful to have your family seemingly hate you for a choice of who you date. The holidays are going to stink. At least my friends are supportive, and at least I have my therapist to talk to. Thank you for all your help though, Wendy and Co. I’m taking small steps in a direction that I chose.
Thanks for your update and here’s hoping as you grow more into adulthood, your family will loosen the leash they think they have a right to hold on your life. Good idea to see a therapist to help you stand up to them. Good luck with everything.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.