It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Favorite Daughter-in-Law” whose boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend kept defriending her on Facebook. She worried about tension between them now and in the future if they couldn’t manage to get along.
There has been less tension between us and I’ve come to think that our awkward relationship may also come from not really knowing each other. I don’t really have very high hopes for our relationship but at least it’s getting more pleasant. I’m still worried about what this will mean in the long term, especially because my boyfriend doesn’t like her, but I also realized that this is something between him and his brother and that I can do nothing about it.I guess the thing that I struggled with most was that I thought that if I went out of my way to talk to her and be nice to her, I would be accepting her rude behaviour towards me and sending the message that it’s OK to be mean to me. And I was worried my newfound interest in her would come off as fake (which ultimately it was). Luckily, I don’t feel like that anymore; after trying to “kill her with kindness,” I found that I felt better and like I had risen above the situation, and I felt treating her nicely was actually a relief.
I really want to thank you, Callie the guest columnist, and everyone in the comments who took the time to read and answer my letter. This issue was really bothering me and every comment was helpful. Even though the situation hasn’t improved dramatically, my approach is different thanks to everyone’s input.
Thanks so much for the update! I’m glad the situation is less tense for you now and that you found the comments and advice helpful.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.