It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Feeling Pathetic” who refused to believe her boyfriend had a wife and kids, even though after two years together he still wouldn’t let her see where he lived. Keep reading to see where things stand between them now.
After you posted a response to my letter and I read through all the comments, and I felt as if I had finally been slapped in the face. I guess my real final straw was after I asked my boyfriend to spend NYE with me and he informed me he would come over from 10:30PM-12AM and then leave, coming back at 9AM the next day. Right there, I stopped him and told him goodbye. I thought it would be harder, but I think what made it easy was that instead of him fighting for me, he asked me: “Is that your final answer?”. I was furious – I wanted to slap him. He also informed me that I could see his home in two months, because his lease was up in two months and I would be allowed to see his apartment before he moved to his new one.
I feel mad and so disappointed in myself for being blind to this for so long, and it was so hard for my friends and family to not say “I told you so.” It took a lot of courage for me to not answer his calls or run back to his arms, but I am completely proud of myself for doing so. I have been going out and having a more positive outlook on life. I even have been on a few really fun dates. I realized that I need to work on myself and that there is somebody out there who will treat me the way I deserve, and to never settle for less. I also realize that if I don’t see a guy’s place in the first month of dating, he can turn around and find somebody else.
Even though I already knew the answer to my question, I am so grateful that I sent it in to you because reading all these comments from complete strangers really opened my eyes. Thank you again for taking the time to answer my question, it was a great push for a new year. — Feeling Strong
Good for you for being strong and moving on. Hopefully now in the future, you won’t settle for shifty, shady behavior.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.