Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “Girl with the Part Time Boyfriend” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Girl with the Part Time Boyfriend,’ whose boyfriend of seven months, whom she saw herself with in the long run, worked out of town so often that he was sometimes only home two days a month, and even then he had other people he wanted to see and things he needed to do. “Having told him I don’t want to do this much more than another year, should I just MOA if nothing’s changed by then? I’m just afraid that I’ll end up waiting forever.” It’s been over a year and a half since she wrote in. Keep reading to see if her boyfriend is still on the road all the time.

It’s been a while, and things have definitely improved! I’ve gotten a lot better at asking for what I want in clear and definitive terms, which my boyfriend appreciates (he says how well I communicate is one of his favorite things about me). Boys aren’t mind readers; who knew?

Shortly after my letter was posted, he got offered a job – in a beautiful and fun part of the country – that wouldn’t require constant travel. We’ve been here a little over a year, and we are happier now than ever. We went over the list of 15 things to talk about before moving in together that you posted, which helped, but I will say moving all the way across the country can be HARD. Luckily, I got a great job in my field right away, but I will say that making friends once you’re out of college is a lot more difficult. You actually have to try, because circumstances aren’t always throwing you in front of the friendship bus.

Now I have several friends though!! And a cat!! And a job I love!! And my boyfriend is still sweet to me!! So while it was a little lonely at first, it was definitely worth it.

He still gets to travel as well about one week per month, so it’s a good compromise for the both of us. Also, he brings me home presents every time! Who doesn’t love presents?

Also to clarify, I had known my boyfriend for about 4 years before we started dating, so I knew that he was a quality man and stand-up person! I think someone mentioned in the comments that they were concerned that he was using me for what lies between my bellybutton and knees, but that’s not the case.

So thank you, Wendy, and everyone who commented!

 
What a wonderful update. Glad things have worked out so well for you two. Here’s to continued happiness.

***************

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at [email protected] with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

You can follow me on Facebook here and sign up for my weekly newsletter here.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].

42 comments… add one
  • avatar

    TECH December 9, 2013, 1:26 pm

    Agreed, what a great update. I especially appreciate that she took a long time to update. Sometimes a true update can’t really be given until you give it a lot of time.

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  • avatar

    Banana December 9, 2013, 1:41 pm

    YES! I especially love that she mentions communication. There’s a pattern that I see in many letters – and that I’ve been through myself – where you think to yourself, “Ugh, but I shouldn’t HAVE to tell him that’s important to me, it should be OBVIOUS and now I’m mad he doesn’t know” when really, the answer is you just have to ask for what you want. Certain things are obvious, yes, like “Standing me up is not okay,” but others might actually require some explaining. I had to explain to my boyfriend that what I counted as “quality time” was time the two of us spent together alone — and that’s why I didn’t feel like we’d had any quality time during weeks when we did tons of activities together, but also with other friends. At first, I’d been upset because I thought he just didn’t value quality time with me — but when I explained exactly what I wanted, he explained that he hadn’t realized that all along because to him, time spent among other people still filled up his “tank” of together-time. What had seemed obvious to me was totally different for him. Communication works!

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  • kare

    kare December 9, 2013, 2:27 pm

    “What lies between my bellybutton and knees”….ah yes, I’ve been cautioned that some men are obsessed with the thighs.

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    • Fabelle

      Fabelle December 9, 2013, 2:38 pm

      haha that part actually kind of annoyed me, because I hate when women say shit like that all euphemism (not even)-y? I had a friend once who continually referenced “the space between my legs” as in “does he only like me for the space between my legs?” Like, wtf are you talking about? OH YOU MEAN YOUR VAGINA. JUST SAY THAT.

      (Nothing personal, LW, clearly I am having terrible girl-talk flashback PTSD… Good update, otherwise!!)

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      • avatar

        Banana December 9, 2013, 2:44 pm

        Acceptable alternatives include but are not limited to:

        ham sandwich
        tunnel of love
        hot pocket
        sausage mitt
        downstairs mix-up

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      • veritek33

        veritek33 December 9, 2013, 2:50 pm

        oh my god. Sausage Mitt.

        I love you Banana

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      • avatar

        Banana December 9, 2013, 2:55 pm

        😀

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      • avatar

        Holly December 9, 2013, 2:53 pm

        You’re missing the most obvious of all: pink taco.

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      • avatar

        Banana December 9, 2013, 2:55 pm

        And pork catcher! I can’t believe I forgot that one too! And oyster boat.

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle December 9, 2013, 3:04 pm

        Oh god, I am cringing so hard. haha. (Although downstairs mix-up? I think I like that one… & of course IWTTS has made “hot pocket” not only acceptable, but a fucking delight)

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      • avatar

        Banana December 9, 2013, 3:49 pm

        Look up “Old Greg Mighty Boosh” on Youtube. Watch the whole episode (I think it’s spread over several video posts). After that, you will ALWAYS think of it as your downstairs mix-up.

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      • rawkmys0cks

        rawkmys0cks December 9, 2013, 4:45 pm

        AHH OLD GREG. Omg you are bringing back some memories for me.

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      • Addie Pray

        Addie Pray December 9, 2013, 3:15 pm

        Ladies, ladies, ladies. This is a family place!

        Also a friend and I went to the same wax lady, and she (the wax lady) told my friend that she had a beautiful vagina. But she didn’t say anything to me about mine. How rude!

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      • avatar

        Banana December 9, 2013, 3:51 pm

        Yours was so beautiful she was rendered speechless.

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      • Addie Pray

        Addie Pray December 9, 2013, 4:44 pm

        Do you know how tempted I was to march right back in there and drop my pants and say “and what’s wrong with my vagina? I want to know, tell me”?! But I didn’t. Mostly ’cause I was afraid she would tell me I have an ugly alien vagina or something. I mean, maybe I do, and all the men who have seen it were just being nice to not say anything?

        One time at my gyno’s the doctor said “huh, interesting.” You really don’t want your gyno making those kind of comments when she’s down there, you know? So of course I was like “WHAT, SPILL IT, WOMAN, NOW.” So she did. Except now this conversation is too personal. Anyway, she said I had a deep cervix. So of course then I had a million questions about what that means in terms of everything – from how it affects orgasms, if at all, how it affects the man during intercourse, if at all, if it affects my ability to get pregnant, if it affects periods, etc. etc., … That session lasted over an hour. She’s my favorite doctor; she taught me so much about all of those things. I’m probably her least favorite patient. Anyway, that’s that. I can’t believe you guys get me to talk about personal things like a deep cervix, I’m normally so private, shut up.

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      • avatar

        TECH December 9, 2013, 5:14 pm

        So what was the verdict? Does having a deep cervix affect your life in any way? I was told mine was tilted.

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      • avatar

        lemongrass December 9, 2013, 5:25 pm

        Mines tilted too. Didn’t affect me in any way pregnancy-wise.

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      • Addie Pray

        Addie Pray December 9, 2013, 5:30 pm

        She said no. But I think she lied. Because I haven’t found my G spot and I told her I think it must be along the wall way back by the cervix where no one can reach it.

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle December 9, 2013, 7:56 pm

        Hmm, this is the second conversation about deep cervixes (cervices?) we’ve had on here, I’m like so tempted to ask my gyno next time I’m in there if I have a short vagina. Because I think I do.

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      • Addie Pray

        Addie Pray December 9, 2013, 8:28 pm

        Oh that’s probably because I’ve already talked about my deep cervix. I share so much it’s hard to remember what I’ve already spilled.

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      • avatar

        sarita_f December 9, 2013, 8:31 pm

        FWIW I think mine must be shallow. All those medium-to-well endowed dudes end up bottoming out, and sometimes it hurts.

        Although it hasn’t helped find my g-spot most of the time. I think my g-spot just awkward-turtles. Jerk of a g-spot 🙁

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      • theattack

        theattack December 9, 2013, 3:15 pm

        I thought downstairs mix-up only referred to hermaphroditic genitals, a la Old Gregg?

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      • avatar

        Banana December 9, 2013, 3:50 pm

        AH’M OLD GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

        I’m so glad someone got that.

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      • theattack

        theattack December 9, 2013, 3:58 pm

        I’VE GOT A MAN-GINAAAA!

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      • avatar

        Banana December 9, 2013, 4:21 pm

        My boyfriend and I quote that episode to each other all the time. Is that weird?

        “I’ll keep it here for yah.”

        “Ever drink Bailey’s from a shoe? Mmm, creamy.”

        And we sing the We Got the Funk song.

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      • theattack

        theattack December 9, 2013, 4:28 pm

        haha, If it’s weird to do that, we’re guilty too. Just last week we had this conversation:

        P: “Do you love me?”

        TA: “I don’t rightly know…”

        P: “Make an assessment.”

        Seriously so fucking funny.

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      • avatar

        Banana December 9, 2013, 5:23 pm

        A fairly typical comment thrown between us is “Are you playing those looooooooove games with me?”

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      • katie

        katie December 9, 2013, 3:34 pm

        my boss told me a new one he heard recently: gash. i think it sounds icky.

        also, i am with fab that i hate the stupid euphemism’s. its a vagina. just say it. or, find a word that sounds ok to you to use, because for instance, i think gash is weird.

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle December 9, 2013, 3:40 pm

        I hate gash, too. UGH. I mean, I hate all of them but that one is particularly horrible.

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl December 9, 2013, 3:46 pm

        Gash? That just sounds brutal.

        I say “lady bits” most of the time, unless it’s to like a doctor, then I use the anatomical words.

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      • avatar

        bethany December 9, 2013, 3:47 pm

        Yeah, I’m not down with nicknames… Just call it what it is!

        Unless you’re going for comedic effect- then I go for twat all the way.

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      • Addie Pray

        Addie Pray December 9, 2013, 4:45 pm

        bethany, how long have you had this new cat pic? I can’t handle change. I’m gonna need you to switch back to the pirate cat, stat.

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      • avatar

        Bethany December 9, 2013, 8:14 pm

        I just changed it today. I wanted to be seasonably appropriate. It’s my ReinCat.
        You no like?
        Are others against it, too?

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      • Nookie

        Nookie December 10, 2013, 7:56 am

        Gash is horrible. I also don’t really like the bearded clam.

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      • KKZ

        KKZ December 10, 2013, 1:24 pm

        Gash is awful.

        One of my least favorites has always been “box.” WTF. Who came up with that. There is nothing boxy whatsoever about my vagina or any other that I know of. Sure, they both contain (or can contain) things, but so do dumpsters, so I’m not down with that logic.

        My eyes bled when I once read “box job” as a euphemism for oral sex performed on a woman. Egads, did I give the author of that article an earful over that choice of words – and she actually apologized!

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      • avatar

        misslisa December 10, 2013, 12:12 am

        Some more old favorites:
        Nappy dugout
        Meat curtains
        And my very favorite: Beaver
        I detest the word vag___ oh hell I can’t even spell it. Other languages give it far nicer-sounding words than that. It’s like the word “moist”, it’s intrinsically vulgar-sounding!

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      • avatar

        Lily in NYC December 10, 2013, 8:51 am

        Lady-basement! I am dying at downstairs mix-up.

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      • KKZ

        KKZ December 10, 2013, 1:20 pm

        My favorite is Fruit Cup, but mostly because one of Bear’s many nicknames for me is Fruit. “Fruit cup” actually came from a pole dancing class, where the instructor reminded the students that in the pose she was teaching, the “Fruit Cup” is not supposed to be in contact with the pole. It’s probably the only euphemism that doesn’t make me cringe.

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      • kare

        kare December 10, 2013, 1:04 pm

        To be fair, Inner Thigh Gap is a big thing to guys. So she could legitimately mean the space between her legs.

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      • Cassie

        CassieB December 10, 2013, 10:40 pm

        “Space between my legs”… thigh gap?

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  • avatar

    Morgan December 9, 2013, 8:07 pm

    So I missed all the fun today, and got really excited when I saw 30 comments on an update, because that’s a lot for an update and I was hoping we’d had some speshul love type update. Nope, great update from a LW who communicated and worked on her relationship while also finding things to make the rest of her life fulfilling too (well done, that), and 30 comments about icky words for vaginas and AP’s cervix. Cool.

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    • Addie Pray

      Addie Pray December 9, 2013, 11:27 pm

      Just to clarify not all 30 of those comments were about my cervix. But I will take a giant leap forward and announce a new rule: an update that ends with 30 comments about icky words for vaginas and my cervix is a good update, no?

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