It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Heartbroken,” a high school student whose boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with her. “This wouldn’t be a big deal if I didn’t have to see him. But we’re in high school and we go to the same school [and] see each other all the time,” she wrote. You gave her tons of advice on how to cope until graduation. After the jump, find out if she followed your advice and how she’s doing now.
Unfortunately, things got even worse after my letter was posted; I found out that my ex had started a rebound thing with the girl he had dated about a year before he started dating me. I just flat-out started avoiding him and, for his part, he respected that and kept his distance, which I appreciated (well, I appreciate it in hindsight). I spent all my spare time with my friends and just tried not to be alone. A few weeks ago, after keeping my head down and just trying to get through, I had to face him. I was talking to two of our mutual friends when he walked into the room and, for some reason, came over and joined the conversation. In a lull in the conversation, he turned to me and asked me how I was. I couldn’t even speak. It just astounded me that he had the audacity to ask me how I was when, to me, it was clear that I was dying and it was all because of him. I left the room in tears.
But things started to change after that, almost imperceptibly at first. By last weekend, I realized that I was fine. I had let go of him and his hold on me and I had accepted that we were never going to be friends or even talk ever again. That made me a little sad because, before we dated, we had a really strong friendship (he wasn’t a great boyfriend, but he was a good friend). But I knew it was for the best. And, on the plus side, I didn’t love him anymore! I still cared about him, but not in the way that I had.
So, I was in a really good place when I logged into my email Monday morning. But as the page finished loading, my heart stopped. There was a message from him. It had been sent late the night before, heavily under the influence and alone. The spelling was atrocious (this made it obvious he was drunk; he usually has impeccable spelling). It was a long apology. For everything. And, at the end, there was a plea for our friendship back. He said he knew that he was in no place to ask me anything, but that he wished we could just talk again.
After I freaked out for a little bit, I stopped and checked how I was feeling. I checked for the anxieties that had been a constant presence for the last three and a half months. They were gone. And I wanted to be his friend. So, when I ran into him, I asked him if friendship was what he really wanted. He said it was. But, in order for me to even consider that, I had to get some stuff off my chest, which he agreed to. We sat down and he let me spill out everything I had been feeling. And when it was over, we were back to normal. We were friends.It’s been four days since that. I’m keeping really aware of how I’m feeling, but so far, so good. There’s a week left of school, I’ve only got three exams, the weather has finally turned warm, I’ve accepted the university and program that is my first choice, and I’ve got all my friends back. I’m pretty content. — Heart-happy
So great to hear you’re doing so well. Enjoy your summer and best of luck as you start college in the fall!
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.