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Updates: “Homesick and Lovesick” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Homesick and Lovesick” who missed her family 1000 miles away but didn’t want to leave her boyfriend who was unable to move until his young son finished high school. “If we were married, there would be no question where I should be, but for right now we are just dating,” she wrote. Keep reading to see where things stand now.

My boyfriend and I had some other issues going on (dealing with miscommunication) and he decided to break up with me. I was sad but took the time to see things clearly. I was in the process of moving on because I didn’t think I had a choice. I thought about moving closer to my parents but didn’t have a plan of what I would do there, so I knew it would take time to think about it. Three weeks later, my boyfriend called me and said he was sorry and he was open to working on our issues. He said that he loved me, felt like I was “the one” and didn’t want to live without me. He said he would make any changes he needed to.

He said everything I wanted to hear, so, after thinking about my feelings for him, I decided to give it another try. I do miss my family, but I also want him in my life. He is a great man! So, yes, I gave up the chance again to move. I still have to deal with my family missing me and me missing them. It’s like jumping off a cliff and hoping that I will be caught at the bottom. But this is the only way I can have my parents and him in my life. There could be that chance that maybe my parents could move here or visit more often. But I know that he would not be able to move for a while.

Also, to answer a couple people’s questions, my boyfriend is very serious about me and would love to marry me soon. I never pressured him to get married because I was trying to figure out what to do! I am believing that all of this will work out somehow.

 
Thanks for the update and best of luck to you in the future!
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If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

You can follow me on Facebook here and sign up for my weekly newsletter here.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com.

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{ 18 comments… add one }

katie katie June 3, 2013, 2:16 pm

sooo…. nothing changed. sweet.

avatar Homesick and Lovesick June 4, 2013, 7:19 pm

Some things changed…I’m realizing that now! lol I appreciate all the great advice from everyone and from Wendy. It really helped in my decision making. The important thing that I have learned is that I need to do what makes ME happy, no one else. Once I realized that, it made things easy for me. I had a talk with my parents and my boyfriend and things are good.

avatar lets_be_honest June 3, 2013, 2:33 pm

Hope he ends up being worth the sacrifice. Not so convinced he’s all that serious like you say he is, since he dumped you once (and then took you back 3 weeks later).

avatar Boosker June 3, 2013, 8:16 pm

Yeah, that didn’t strike me as serious either.

avatar Homesick and Lovesick June 4, 2013, 7:01 pm

He is very serious about me. He has always been that way. I know that because I left out alot of info you don’t know either one of us so he sounds like a pretty bad guy. But the break up was something talked about. It wasn’t because of ill intent. People don’t always break up because they don’t want to be with the person anymore.
He is very worth it! I’m happy about it.

Fabelle Fabelle June 3, 2013, 2:45 pm

I don’t know, LW…”things working out somehow” is generally not the way to do things? This is your life, you need to decide what you want, & make plans. Which I’m only saying because you ~don’t~ mention right now that you’re happy, or that you’re where you wanna be? You only say you believe things will “work out somehow”, implying that… things are NOT really where you’d like them to be?

So I would do some self-examination. What do you really want? Do you really *want* to be with this “great guy” who unilaterally broke up with you & then got back together with you, all on his own terms? Is he that serious about you if he breaks up because of miscommunication problems? It it a very good relationship, even? And do you even want to marry him, if you’re not sure you want to stay where you are?

Lyra Lyra June 3, 2013, 3:02 pm

I agree. I think in relationships women sometimes do what makes everyone else happy even if deep down they know it’s not going to make them happy.

avatar Homesick and Lovesick June 4, 2013, 6:51 pm

I understand where you are coming from. I left alot out of my response. I have thought about what I really wanted and I decided that my boyfriend was worth it. We didn’t break up over serious reasons. This break up is something we discussed before and it’s something he did because he felt he HAD to do it. Yeah, he shouldn’t have broken up but it gave us both time to think about some things. We have talked and worked things out. I know my situation isn’t perfect but I picked the best situation for myself. Thanks for you reply.

Lyra Lyra June 3, 2013, 2:58 pm

Hmmm. Though I understand wanting to stay with him, the whole breaking up with you and then getting back together thing is weird to me. Yes, he may be a great man, but it sounds like he may be having second thoughts. Has he actually reached out and offered some ideas for how to fix the issues in your relationship?

I moved 500 miles from home for a boyfriend last year and things imploded. I’m very close to my family and he absolutely didn’t understand that. We had a lot of issues in addition to that particular one so it really was a good thing everything fell through. Once we broke up I was able to process how much I missed being close to my family and how I unhappy I was with where I was at. Now I moved closer to home and am job searching. Though I don’t know what’s in store for me next school year, I know that I am infinitely happier closer to family and friends than I ever was 500 miles away.

Also keep in mind that your parents aren’t getting any younger. If you’re close with them it is important to spend time with them as much as possible. I had a rude awakening in 2011 when my mom was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease in her mid 50′s, which was also a big factor in my decision to move closer to home.

avatar Homesick and Lovesick June 4, 2013, 6:56 pm

Thanks for your feedback. I have kept in mind that my parents are not getting any younger. I will be there for them if things get bad. I know that it would be great to be closer but that is always a possibility later. My parents are the only reason I would move. Yes, the town is familar but MY life won’t be what I want it to be there.
And we did discuss alot of things; I believe things will work out fine. We love each other and we are happy!

I’m glad that things worked out for you and you are happy in your situation!

kare kare June 3, 2013, 3:59 pm

What a long way to say “nothing changed”.

avatar Homesick and Lovesick June 4, 2013, 7:05 pm

I’m sorry my reply was too long for you. And maybe I shouldn’t have said nothing changed because some things did change. I was so tired I should have fixed that. But anyway, thanks for letting me know. I can’t make you unread that so again my deepest apologies. And thank you for your sincere input, I so do appreciate that! I really do!

Lindsay Lindsay June 3, 2013, 4:12 pm

I don’t know, I sort of got the impression that she actively has chosen to stay, whereas she was previously still trying to choose one or the other. I think they probably have some issues to work out if he’s breaking up and making up three weeks later, but in terms of the original problem, I personally wouldn’t say nothing’s changed.

avatar Homesick and Lovesick June 4, 2013, 7:07 pm

You’re right, some things did change! I shouldn’t have said that. But yes, we have talked through these issues and things are good. I chose to stay; I just couldn’t leave him! :)

avatar Stephanie June 4, 2013, 12:35 am

While it’s great that he said everything you wanted to hear, I think it would serve you well to pay more attention to his actions. He’s done nothing to keep you permanently in his life and at the end of the day you’re not in a much different place than you were when you wrote the letter. Best of luck to you.

avatar Homesick and Lovesick June 4, 2013, 7:16 pm

Thanks, I did pay attention to his actions and they backed up what he was telling me. That’s very smart because 5 years ago, I did not pay attention to actions, which was pretty stupid. But I’m in a good place. It took awhile to get here but I’m doing fine. You’re right, I could walk away at any time because I don’t have a ring on my finger. But I am happy where we are at in our relationship. I appreciate the advice.

bittergaymark Bittergaymark June 4, 2013, 2:40 pm

Hope it all works out… But, I must confess that while reading this all I could think was that the LW is trying way too hard to not only convince us — but also herself — that she had made the right decision…

avatar Homesick and Lovesick June 4, 2013, 7:11 pm

Thank you. I wasn’t trying to convince you guys that I made the right decision. Just wanted to follow up on what was going on with me. Not trying to be rude but I don’t have a reason to convince anyone about anything I do. Maybe typing all that I said made it seem that way. But I do feel like I made the right decision. I had time to think about it and I feel good about it. Yes, it was a hard decision but I feel really good about it.

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