It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Hoping for Happiness,” a 20-year-old college student who was contemplating breaking up with her boyfriend despite his being super sweet. Her situation was further complicated by the fact that she’d been kicked out of her mother’s home and was living with her boyfriend’s family. Keep reading to see whether they’re still together and where she’s living now.
First of all, I’d really like to thank everyone for their advice. I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend at the beginning of February, and he did not handle it well. We were living together, and he would frequently storm into my bedroom (we had separate bedrooms) at all hours of the night and scream at me for being an “emotionless zombie bitch” and other things. His mother blew it off to it being his first break-up and suggested that I stay somewhere else if I expected to be able to sleep through the night. My mother, who had previously kicked me out, offered to let me stay with her in her new condo for a few weeks while I was training for a new job and trying to get back on my feet.
This Friday, she physically attacked me. She has done this before, and I’ve always threatened to go to the police but never did. On Friday I finally stuck to my guns and went to the police. They took pictures of the giant scratch across my chest and several cuts on my hands, and then they took her to jail for the night. Last I heard from the police, the prosecutor was deciding whether or not to press charges. I am probably going to file a Personal Protection Order because, like I said, this isn’t the first time she has done this. My now ex-boyfriend actually had the nerve to text me and inform me that I “should have known better than to put myself in this situation.” And while he might be right, I really didn’t think it was his place to say that to me. She called me on Saturday morning to let me know that she “loves me very much and she’s sorry, and she doesn’t know what happened last night.” I didn’t respond. I don’t plan on responding.
To answer a few questions/misconceptions: The boyfriend in question and I had been together for almost two years, not nine months. I suppose I should have made that clearer. I agree with several people who said that I didn’t want to give up feeling like I had a sort of family and support. I hadn’t even thought about it before, but that really is something I’ve never had. I do have a job; I teach preschool at a private school while studying elementary education at university. I’m in the process of getting ready to substitute teach, now that I have enough college credits, and that should pay between 85-100 dollars a day, which is significantly more than I make right now. I’m staying with a friend and her parents until I get back on my feet.
I’ve been talking with my therapist about my abusive relationship and about how certain issues I have probably started with my unstable mother and my physically and emotionally distant father. We’ve been making some good progress, and I’m really proud of myself for being brave enough to call the police. I have some great friends and people in my life who are willing to help me out, and that makes me feel really great and supported during this troubling time. Thank you for taking the time to answer my letter and encouraging me to work through my issues. I’m finally getting to a point where I understand that it isn’t okay for anyone to hurt me, whether I love them or not.
Thank you for your update. I’m sorry to hear about your troubled home life, but so happy you are in counseling and have a good support system of friends and their families. Best of luck to you.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.