It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “House Arrest,” the 19-year-old college student who was upset that her parents wanted to buy her a house to live in while finishing her degree. “I wouldn’t mind it so much if they were less pushy with me and would listen to my concerns,” she wrote. “I’m not sure I want to do yard work or remodeling (they want a “fixer-upper”); I DON’T WANT A FEMALE ROOMMATE; I want to live with my boyfriend! The more I try to get them to see the practical side of it or consider what I want, the more rushed and pushy they are about me finding a house for them to buy!” Keep reading to see whether her parents are still pushing her to find a house.
First of all, thank you for the honest advice about my parents. Surprisingly, events took a pretty sharp turn. My parents, after several months of me dropping the subject of my “boyfriend roommate” and then casually bringing it up again, changed their minds. They met him over Christmas break (I asked long after this) and I never really figured out how they felt about him. My mom let me know what was really going through my dad’s head (my dad was the one with the problem) and she told me he was afraid I was growing up too fast … It probably would have been helpful to mention I live in a small, old-fashioned Bible Belt town (which also happens to be a college town, go figure) where kids here marry YOUNG and teen pregnancy is high. They let me know they thought my boyfriend was a great guy, but they needed me to reassure them I was still serious about school and not settling down (I’m hoping to go to medical school and so far, I still have the grades for it). It definitely helped that my boyfriend is equally ambitious and a great student as well. Overall, I think they had reservations because I am still “daddy’s little girl” in my father’s eyes and they are the type to worry. A lot.
My parents have actually already bought a house and it should be liveable some time over the summer. I also WILL be paying rent and utilities, so my parents made it clear this is a business relationship and if I ever decide to move out of the house, they will understand and proceed to fill it with renters. They are now comfortable talking about the possibility that my boyfriend may be living there as well.
As for the boyfriend, he had second thoughts about moving in together after we got into a bad rut of routine arguing. We went on like this for months and some other issues surfaced — I realized I was depressed and we were having trust issues with each other. I got counseling for myself and he promised we could begin couple’s counseling after our semester finals.
Our relationship has gotten a lot better, but I think progressing forward and essentially “playing house” before the trust and security were there was a mistake. … For all the readers who bashed me, saying “basically living together” is not living together, I agree. But none of you knew our situation and the letter was not about my boyfriend. He has been on his own entirely since he was 15 (he’s almost 22) and we were already splitting a lot of costs. We were sharing my car that gets better mileage, splitting gas, splitting groceries, cooking and cleaning together, etc. I do understand moving in together is a big step, but I do have my own life and my own friends (thanks for assuming I have none of those, guys) who also tried to get me to think a little harder about the situation. We still hope to move into together this summer but it is a no-pressure situation as of right now: if we can mend some of our communication and trust issues and stay like that consistently, we plan to. As of right now, it may just be me and my dog and quite a few bills. Thank you for the advice, Wendy. Cheers.
Thanks for the update, and best of luck to you!
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.