It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Inconvenient Proposal” who was bothered that her fiancé, whose proposal she had just accepted, still let his mother pay his bills. She worried about whether he was ready and responsible enough for marriage. Keep reading to see whether they’re still engaged since the column was published a few weeks ago.
After writing to you, I have spent the last two weeks evaluating my current relationship. I read your advice and the advice of your readers, and a lot of it made sense.
My fiancé and I sat down and and had a long discussion about our relationship and the problems that we are having. I told him that I felt like I had waited long enough for him to show me that things could change and that my patience was running out. He assured me once again that this time would be different and we could make it work. He asked me to help him with a budget so he could have a better control of his money. So I did what he asked. Since we do not bank together, he gave me his login to review the last 90 days of bank statements and help him develop a budget. Once I logged into to his account I was definitely shocked at what I saw.
He had been telling me how he spends so much money on gas each week to get back and forth to work and how he paid his car insurance each month and so on, which is why he doesn’t have much money to spend on our house bills or pay his child support. The reality of the situation is that his MOM pays for his gas to go back and forth to work, she pays for him to get hair cuts, she pays for his new tires on his car, his cell phone bill, his car insurance, and the list goes on and on. He has a debit card in his wallet that is linked to mommy’s account.
Long story short, I ended things with him last week and he is moving out today. I am bitter and feel very foolish for it going on as long as it has. I told my oldest daughter this weekend and she seemed to be understanding about it. It is going to be a little rough for a little while, but I know it is for the best. I work extremely hard to provide for my child and myself, and I do expect that from the person I am with as well.
Let the healing begin!
Thank you for the update and best of luck to you in the future.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at email@example.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.