It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Indecisive” who wrote in two years ago this week asking, “How many red flags are too many?” She listed the so-called red flags and I told her they weren’t so much red flags as they were justifications she was making for not being into the guy. Keep reading to see how she’s doing now.
Thank you for your thoughtful response and thank you to all the readers and commenters as well. Initially, after reading the responses, I felt very defensive and stubborn and didn’t want to acknowledge what was right in front of me. Of course, in retrospect, that was not the right relationship and I needed to get out; however, when you’re in the situation, it is hard to see clearly even in a case as obvious as mine was. Perhaps I was simply subconsciously seeking permission to break up with him. I also realize now that I was trying too hard to prove to myself that I could have a successful relationship at any cost.
Anyway, I broke up with him less than a month after the letter thanks to your advice and the realization that I was unhappy all the time. Because of this I have learned to be clear about moving slowly, articulating my needs, not needing permission to end things, and not doing anything simply because I feel I’m “supposed to.” While it was a tough message to hear, I appreciated it and thank you all for giving me the kick in the pants I needed! It’s two years later and I hope I am the wiser for it!
Thank you again!
Thanks for the update. I’m glad the advice gave you the kick in the pants you needed to make the changes that were right for you.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.