It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Jealous of His Hot Friend” whose boyfriend has an attractive female friend who aggressively flirts and pursues unavailable men. Keep reading to see what crazy thing she’s done now and how the LW’s boyfriend reacted.
First of all, thank you so much for posting my letter! I’d like to thank every one of your readers who took the time to read it and comment on it. They were truly amazing.
Many of them said things like “she must do this because she’s unhappy with her own life.” Of course, I guess we can never know for sure how one feels, but honestly, that doesn’t seem to be the case. Sure, she must have problems every once in a while like everyone else. After all, she sometimes calls my bf “to pour out her heart” to him, but from what I’ve heard from my bf and her, she has a good job, a nice place, supportive parents. She does have female friends and lots of guys want to date her. I heard more than one guy say “oh if only you were my gf” to her. Honestly, this pisses me off. Her behavior is well known and people still think she’s all that great?
I also thought long about what I can do to not feel less than her. I decided then to join a gym and start to work out. I went shopping for new, cute clothes with my best friend. I got a new haircut, am wearing a little more make-up… Basicaly, I decided to try to be the best version of myself. BUT.
A couple days ago I got a call from this girl I know from my bf’s group of friends whom I always thought was nice. She was dating one of my bf’s friends for about six months and they seemed very happy with each other. But when she called me, she was crying, and she told me she accidentally saw her bf’s e-mail and found out hot friend was sending him and other guys, my boyfriend included, guess what? Nude pics!!!! Classy!!!
I can’t explain how angry I got. I only know I called him immediately screaming and demanding for explanations. When I met him, he confessed he has gotten theses pictures every now and then and he had used it at least once to masturbate, but that he promised he hasn’t done anything more, not even replied to the messages, and that he just pretends nothing happened when he’s around her and he didn’t tell me to not hurt me. Well, the thing is I am hurt. I didn’t break up with him though because he seemed to be telling the truth. I then tried to calm down and tell him how I feel about her and the whole situation and how inappropriate I think she is. His response: “Yeah, the flirting and the pics were a little over the top, but don’t worry, I know my limits and I won’t cross a line and cheat on you.” I haven’t seen him since. I want to believe it, but I don’t know if I do.
I don’t think I’m being controlling and unreasonably jealous. He is friends with some of his exes, and I don’t have a problem with them – one of them actually invited us for her wedding in August. We’re not teenagers anymore, we’re in our mid-twenties. I think he should know better by now than to be friends with someone like her… right?
I would not be OK with my husband being “friends” with a woman who regularly sends him nude photos of herself that he admits to jerking off to. No. If it were I, I’d move on and find a guy with a little more respect and loyalty toward me. I wouldn’t wait around to see if he cheated. Frankly, the jerking off to some skank’s photo — a skank he actually hangs out with as opposed to some random skank on some porn site or whatever — would be enough for me to question his judgment. But that’s me. If you stay with him, you should make it very clear that you are not ok with this particular friendship, and that, by continuing to interact with her, your boyfriend is putting his relationship with you in jeopardy.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.