Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “Just Not Feeling It” Responds (Again)

updatesIt’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Just Not Feeling It,” a woman who originally wrote in when, in her late-30s, she wasn’t feeling much passion for the guy she was seeing but worried that time was running out for her to find someone else. She updated us once before after she ended things with her boyfriend, saying: “I felt instant relief once it ended because it made me realize how miserable I was hanging out with someone I wasn’t into. Trying to talk yourself into being with someone who’s ‘Good on Paper’ is exhausting and not something I’d recommend.” She also said she’d just started dating someone new she felt better relationship potential with. Keep reading for her update.

I saw your recent call for updates and thought your readers might be interested to know that the “new guy” I met, after breaking up with the “no passion” guy, is now my husband! I met my husband literally two weeks after ending that relationship. And we’ve been married for two years now. With my hubby, I never had any doubts about our connection. There was attraction and passion, but also an emotional connection and friendship. There was no wondering, no drama — it just worked. And I think that’s the way it should be when you’re with the right person.

 
Absolutely! And congrats! This is a good reminder that as long as you’re tied up with someone who isn’t right for you, waiting and hoping things might change, you are keeping yourself unavailable for someone who could be right for you right off the bat.

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If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at [email protected] with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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13 comments… add one
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    MissDre January 19, 2016, 1:24 pm

    So there’s still hope for me, after all!! (joking… sort of lol)

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    • Addie Pray

      Addie Pray January 19, 2016, 1:42 pm

      Ha, I was just going to say that this is going to give all of us false hope!

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      RedRoverRedRover January 19, 2016, 1:52 pm

      Being able to recognize when a guy doesn’t fit, right off the bat, is actually one of the best things! Because as she said, otherwise you’re wasting time trying to make something work that doesn’t. I went through a period of like 5 years of being single/internet dating, and I went on second dates with maybe 3 guys. Literally. Because if there was no click right away I just moved on. Eventually I found my husband, and I think the fact that I didn’t spend a lot of time on the non-clicks made it more likely that when I did find someone, I’d recognize the real thing. Also gave me more time to go through guys and find the right one. 🙂

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        MissDre January 19, 2016, 2:01 pm

        This is what I’m going through right now. Not going on second dates with anyone because I’m just not feelin it with any of them.

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        RedRoverRedRover January 19, 2016, 2:13 pm

        Personally I think it’s the right way to go. It does get a bit depressing because you’re like, is no one a fit for me??? But remember that you’re the one in control, you’re basically interviewing all these guys till you find the right one. 🙂 That’s how I looked at it.

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        MissDre January 19, 2016, 2:15 pm

        It is feeling a bit depressing… that’s why I’m taking a break at the moment. A bit of a breather. Also, I’m never going back on Tinder. Useless.

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      • Bubbles

        Bubbles January 20, 2016, 12:17 pm

        @MissDre – have you tried/or heard about the Bumble app? It’s like Tinder but women make the initial contact and there’s a 24 hour window to contact those you’ve been matched with by the app.

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        MissDre January 20, 2016, 7:06 pm

        I will look into it, but I sort of doubt there will be many people on it in my city :-/

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    RedRoverRedRover January 19, 2016, 2:15 pm

    Hey whatever happened to ReginaRey? She did the original response for this one… she didn’t leave during that whole mean girl thing, did she? She doesn’t seem like the type to have been mixed up in that. Although I guess I left around that time too because it was getting so toxic, but I came back after they were gone.

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      MissDre January 19, 2016, 2:16 pm

      I still talk to her all the time 🙂 She’s just really busy, she runs her own Life/Career Coaching business now. She’s doing really great!

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        RedRoverRedRover January 19, 2016, 2:18 pm

        Wow, awesome! Glad to hear it. 🙂

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    SpaceySteph January 19, 2016, 3:24 pm

    Hah- I looked back at my response to that original letter and I said that I broke up with a guy I had no chemistry with and then soon after started dating my “current boyfriend” who is now my husband (gonna be 3 years in Feb).
    I think it must be common if you get to the point where you want to settle down that you start thinking of *settling* for a good-enough guy who is here now rather than the unknown that is out there. But you could, as Wendy says, miss the right guy by staying with the wrong one.
    Glad it worked out for you LW!

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    wobster109 January 19, 2016, 11:00 pm

    Congratulations, LW! Thanks for the happy update!

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