It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Just Not Feeling It,” a woman in her late-30s who didn’t feel much passion for the guy she was seeing but worried that time was running out for her to find someone else. After the jump, find out whether she’s still with the guy and if her attitude has changed at all.
Thanks to ReginaRey for her advice and revealing what she went through with her own break up.
My update is I ended the relationship. I actually ended it a few weeks before my letter was posted. The advice and most of the comments just reinforced I did the right thing.
I broke it off after two months of dating for these reasons:
He’s a nice person who liked me, but I didn’t like him and I wasn’t physically attracted to him. We didn’t have interesting conversations. He didn’t make me laugh. I didn’t miss him when we were apart. I didn’t look forward to seeing him when we made plans. When we did get together, I didn’t want to spend time alone with him because I didn’t want to be intimate with him.
Every date I wondered if this will be the date where I feel the ‘click’. It never happened.
The reason I struggled with the decision to end it was because I felt guilty for walking away from a good guy, who liked me, and who never did anything wrong.
I gave myself time to get to know him and allow feelings to grow, which I think is important when starting a new relationship. But although they were growing for him, they weren’t for me. It was one-sided and I realized I owe it to myself to NOT settle for someone I don’t like, no matter what my age is. We did have some nice times together, but it wasn’t enough for me to feel like I was falling for him. I’m not looking for a ‘perfect’ man or something unrealistic. I just want something real that feels right.
I made the right decision. I felt instant relief once it ended because it made me realize how miserable I was hanging out with someone I wasn’t into. Trying to talk yourself into being with someone who’s ‘Good on Paper’ is exhausting and not something I’d recommend.
A couple of weeks ago I started dating someone new. Although it’s still early days and I don’t know for sure yet where things will go with this one, it does feel a lot better to spend time with someone where there is mutual interest and attraction. If I kept dating the old guy I wasn’t into, I wouldn’t have been available to meet someone new with better relationship potential.
Thanks again everyone!
Thanks for the update and good luck with the new guy!
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.