Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “Late-Bloomer?” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from Late-Bloomer? who wasn’t particularly interested in dating men OR women and wasn’t worried about that until her friends started making a big deal about it. “Should I be trying to date?” she asked. “Is my not dating during my teen years the reason why I’m so stunted in the hormone department now? Are romantic feelings and hormones like a muscle: the less you exercise them the more stunted they become? Do you know of other women who only started noticing guys in their late twenties or early thirties? Is this normal? Or, not unusual? Am I still just a late-bloomer?” Keep reading to see if she’s figured out some of the answers to those questions.

It was a relief to read the comments from a ton of other people who didn’t seem to understand what the big deal was: I think because most of my social circle is my age or younger (and my older friends like their eye-candy) I don’t get that perspective much, especially as everyone wants to give me dating advice. Or set me up. With people THEY think would be good for me. And, well, my family members have an opinion on my dating life which trends towards more than three dates and there should be a ring on my finger. Or to sit back and let them arrange something.

Looking back, I feel a bit silly about my panic attack, and I take their advice with a grain of salt and more good humour. In the past, I’ve assumed, and my friends have assumed, that, because I’m the least experienced, they need to take steps to get me out of my comfort zone or whatever. Which would be fine if my friends’ overall number one criteria wasn’t my prospective date’s ethnicity, or, in one case, attempting to train up one of her male friends to be more social.

I don’t know what else to say other than that, but I think, if anyone does ask, I’ll be a lot more comfortable saying yes in the future. 🙂 And if I see someone who interests me, I think I’ll feel a lot more comfortable asking for his number or email. But seeing as that hasn’t happened yet, I’m not fussed.

Thanks again for the reality bat to the head.

 
Thanks for the update. I’m glad to hear you’re feeling more at peace with where you are, relationship-wise, and that you aren’t letting your friends make you neurotic!
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If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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2 comments… add one
  • beelzebarb

    beelzebarb November 4, 2014, 4:19 pm

    Wait, number one criterion being a prospective date’s ethnicity?

    Reply Link
    • redessa

      redessa November 4, 2014, 8:19 pm

      If she is from a minority group that’s maybe only a generation or two away from their country of origin, and most of her friends are too, it’s not a stretch to think they might want her to find someone of the same cultural background.

      Either that or her social circle is full of racist jerks.

      Reply Link

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