Updates: “Losing Patience” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Losing Patience” a 24-year-old woman with a brain tumor who was disappointed in the lack of support she was receiving from her on-again/off-agin 20-year-old girlfriend. Keep reading to see how she’s doing health-wise and relationship-wise.

I’m doing well. A lot has taken place over the past several months. Looking back I see that because of family circumstances that made me feel like I couldn’t confide in them, I turned to my ex for support instead. I was stressed, afraid, panicky and felt very alone. I made bad decisions in regards to whom I went for treatment, whom I confided in, and what I selected to share when confiding. I didn’t go to very good doctors — I think I actually at one point went to a scam artist offering “holistic natural solutions.” I trusted all the wrong people.

My omissions to my family were due to my younger sister just escaping from a dangerous relationship and dealing with an unplanned pregnancy from that abusive situation. She needed my parents’ attention and assistance more than I felt I did. I needed someone to talk to, but I should not have leaned on my ex.

At first I told her everything, but then I ended up leaving out many details; I didn’t want her to get too involved, nor see the bad decisions I was making. The constant fighting between us seems now like the last thing I should have worried myself over. A final fight between us made me realize we both needed to let go permanently for multiple reasons. It wasn’t an amicable ending; however, I will always wish her the best.

I learned from my mistakes and made better decisions, and now, several months later, my health has recovered and I’m moving on towards getting my career in order. I’m currently in the beginning stages of a much healthier relationship, volunteering, doing an internship, and heading towards a rewarding life. Thank you for your time.

Wonderful news! Thanks for a great update, and best of luck to you.
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If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com.

5 Comments

Hooray! I’m glad things are looking up in so many areas of your life!

The funny thing about this and the original letter is how little the letter writer talks about the tumour. It’s all about her decision making during crisis, ineffective treatment choices, trying to be fair to her ex and family and sister, trying to work through issues long distance. The LW felt her sister who has escaped a bad relationship and was pregnant needed support more than she did. But pregnancy is a relatively minor issue compared to a brain tumour, isn’t it? If this was me, I’d be totally focused on “I HAVE A BRAIN TUMOUR AND I AM GOING TO DIE!!!! AAAAAHHHH!!!!”

LW, as someone whose Dad went through cancer a couple of years back, I’m very glad that tiny little life-threatening cancer battle went your way, and i hope that your new relationship allows you to put a fair amount of focus on your needs. To be honest, it didn’t sound like your ex was being very fair. She’s lonely and confused? She needs a solid commitment, affection and support while you are, maybe, dying? Sheesh. I think you might be well rid of her.

katie says:

at

geez im glad you said it. so weird. like the cancer was a made up thing. i dont even know.

Reply

That sounds nice, LW! I’m happy for you that your health, and your life in general, have improved. I wish you all the best for your new relationship!

(Regarding the other comments: I don’t know if it’s helpful to mention and focus on the worst possible course of an illness… perhaps I’m being too sensitive, but I was just thinking that this can kind of drag you down.)