Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “Love or Adventure” Responds (Again)

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Love or Adventure,” who was conflicted about whether to stay with her boyfriend in their small town and put down roots, or to spread her wings and travel the world and perhaps even live outside the country before settling down. She updated us once before saying she decided to stay with her boyfriend in their small town and travel on the weekends and during time off. Now, her situation has changed and she has a new update.

First and foremost, I want to say how much I appreciate all the helpful thoughts and advice and support given by you and your commenters. I’ve been following Dear Wendy on a regular basis for years, and I can honestly say that it’s one of the most positive, inclusive forums on the internet that I’ve ever run across. Wendy, you have truly built a community here, which is an enormous feat, and I’m so glad that I stumbled upon it when I did. Everyone on this site seems to honestly care about helping each other with their various ups and downs, even when the needed advice is tough, and it’s feels great to be a part of that.

I wrote to you about a year and a half ago to ask whether I should continue to live in the town where I grew up in order to stay with my boyfriend, or end my relationship in order to pursue my desires to travel and see the world and live outside of the half-hour radius that I was so familiar with. My boyfriend owned a house five miles from where I grew up and was very professionally-rooted, and I felt that, if I wanted to stay with him and see where our relationship could go, I had to commit to being in my hometown for the long haul. I updated a few months later to say that I had decided to prioritize my relationship with my boyfriend since I had realized that you can still travel the world, even if you live in only one place.

It seems that life had different plans for me. About six months after giving you that update, it was announced that the company I was contracting for was relocating several hours away to the heart of the nearest big city. Because of the move, I was offered a full-time job – for my dream job, working for the biggest company in my field, basically setting up the rest of my career – and there was no way that I could turn down the offer. My boyfriend and I were unwilling to break up, so the original plan was that I would move to the city to get a year or two of work experience under my belt and travel back to see my boyfriend on the weekends — sort of semi-long distance — with the idea that I would eventually move back and find a job in our area. Well, I was gone for about two months before my boyfriend announced that he was going to rent his house and move to the city with me! He decided that it was crazy for me to move back to my hometown, where jobs are few and far between, when opportunities were abundant for the both of us in the city. Now we live in a cute apartment on the outskirts of the city, he has a new job right downtown, and I finally feel like I’m getting to experience something different than the suburban life I grew up with.

It’s a perfect situation in a lot of ways. We’re two hours away from both my parents and his parents, so we can still visit them all the time. There’s more for us to do here than back home. There are a lot more jobs here in our fields, so if one of us gets laid off, it’s much more likely that we’ll be able to find another position. We both know several people who live here, so we already have a circle of friends. And there is, of course, the intangible: it may sound silly, but it feels like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. As much as I loved the town that I grew up in – it was truly a great place to be a kid – there was a part of me that felt smothered by it. I can’t explain why, but running into people I knew from high school at the grocery store, or driving past my middle school on the way to work, just made me feel trapped. Because my boyfriend was so great, and because he also loves to travel, I was willing to just accept that feeling.

But I feel much lighter now. I love my new city. I love my hometown, too, but now I can drive the two hours back and experience my favorite restaurants and the familiar scenery in small doses. And I love my boyfriend. I’m extremely thankful every day for the fact that he decided to take a chance and come here. In my past, with other relationships, it always felt like I was the only one making sacrifices. I’m so grateful that he was willing to make a sacrifice to be with me, and I try to make sure that he knows all the time how much I appreciate it.

Overall, life is good. 🙂 Thank you, all, again.

 
What a wonderful update! I’m thrilled things are working out so well for you. Maybe your next update will be the sound of wedding bells…

***************

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

You can follow me on Facebook here and sign up for my weekly newsletter here.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com.

17 comments… add one
  • lynn

    lynn May 20, 2013, 12:34 pm

    My favorite update (update) everrrrrr. Congrats LW!!!

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    Rouge May 20, 2013, 12:44 pm

    I love love this update. Especially this part:”In my past, with other relationships, it always felt like I was the only one making sacrifices. I’m so grateful that he was willing to make a sacrifice to be with me”, it relates so much to me right now. Goodness you see ladies what happens when you aimed higher! You get a great man, maybe as Wendy said there will be wedding bells. YAY! for you LW.

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  • lemongrass

    lemongrass May 20, 2013, 12:49 pm

    This is great. I totally know what you mean by feeling smothered by your hometown. It seems like everyone I grew up with had that feeling, I did too. Funny, now that I have a kid we are trying to move back there.

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  • Fabelle

    Fabelle May 20, 2013, 12:50 pm

    Awesome, what a lovely update :D!

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    kerrycontrary May 20, 2013, 12:56 pm

    This is awesome! Life (the universe, whatever) has a way of working things out 🙂

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  • CatsMeow

    CatsMeow May 20, 2013, 1:02 pm

    Great update! I felt smothered by my hometown for the same reasons and now I also live about 2 hours away. It’s really the best of both worlds because I can go back and forth so easily.

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    bethany May 20, 2013, 1:17 pm

    Awesome update!!! Congrats, LW!

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    ktfran May 20, 2013, 1:23 pm

    Oh my god. I LOVE THIS UPDATE. It’s the first time I smiled in a long while while reading an update. I’m super happy for you LW.

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  • KKZ

    KKZ May 20, 2013, 1:38 pm

    I can so relate to the feeling of “trapped” in a hometown. I briefly moved back to my hometown after college, seeing as I was working just 20 minutes away and a great rental opportunity opened up for me. But even growing up, I never felt really closely tied to the town, and shopping for my groceries in the very same store where I once played “Don’t step on the blue tiles!” with my brother while shopping with my mom… yeah, “trapped” would be one word for that feeling! I too am afflicted with wanderlust and never saw myself staying in my hometown, and panicked at the thought of putting down roots there. Maybe because I come from a very spread-out family with a history of Big Moves, I couldn’t imagine spending so much of my life in just one ZIP code.

    I feel I am doomed to never really put down “roots” in a particular location, though. I have since moved to a new city an hour away from my hometown, a city I love that holds much opportunity for me and where I have a pretty solid social network. But staying here forever? Makes me twitchy to think about it. I wonder if there is a place out there that I could love enough to never want to leave…

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  • Heather

    Heather May 20, 2013, 1:38 pm

    I think it’s amazing that I can read a life update from someone I have never met and don’t know at all and be truly happy for them. This just…I don’t know. I love it.

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  • genevathene

    genevathene May 20, 2013, 2:03 pm

    This is so great! Congrats and best wishes on your next adventures. 🙂

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    Boosker May 20, 2013, 9:52 pm

    I would definitely feel weird living in my hometown, even though I’ve considered moving back a couple of times. Something about the whole idea would feel like a step back. I graduated high school, went to college, moved three hours away to grad school, then graduated and stayed in my grad school city. Why would I go back to point A? Although once I have kids, I might feel differently.

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    caffeinatrix May 20, 2013, 11:34 pm

    I love this update! So glad to hear how things have worked out for you. And I can appreciate the feelings you were having about your hometown too. I lived in the same house for my entire childhood, until I left to go to college. Then I graduated in 2008 and- surprise!- couldn’t find a real job, so I had to move back home. I ended up working service industry and retail jobs for about two and a half years while figuring out what I wanted to do. Then another year and a half of applying for jobs, interviewing, and waiting. And waiting. Networking like crazy and wondering if my efforts would ever get me anywhere. And dealing with crappy bosses and living paycheck to paycheck. And keep in mind that while I was at least living alone for most of this time, I was in the same neighborhood where I grew up and living in a house my mom owned, and where my grandma and sister had lived before me. All of my high school friends were gone. The only people left were people I just knew by association, but was never really friends with. I had a few work friends and that was pretty much it. Oh holy hell it was frustrating!

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    Addie Pray May 20, 2013, 11:59 pm

    I love this update but I’m not gonna lie – I’m jealous. Man, I want what you have! Sigh.

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      Trixy minx May 21, 2013, 12:51 am

      I do too. 🙁

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  • Jess

    Jess May 21, 2013, 9:45 am

    This is so awesome!!!! I love when life has a way of working things out –ESPECIALLY when two people are committed and willing to take a chance to help each other. A great relationship requires generosity and humility. You’ve both demonstrated that to each other. You, in your willingness to stay in your hometown initially and him, in his subsequent willingness to move with you to the city. What a wonderful example of give and take.

    Many wishes for a bright future for you!

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  • avatar

    Crazy in Love June 25, 2013, 1:24 pm

    What a wonderful update (and well written too!). I wish you both the best and hope you have many happy moments together in your new surroundings.

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