Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “Love or Adventure” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Love or Adventure” who was conflicted about whether to stay with her boyfriend in their small town and put down roots, or to spread her wings and travel the world and perhaps even live outside the country before settling down. She writes: “Meeting my boyfriend was a happy accident, and I’ve loved every second of our relationship and could see it having real potential for the future, yet, I’m worried that if I stay here, I will regret never exploring the world and seeing what it’s like to live outside of my state.” After the jump, find out what she ultimately decided to do.

First of all, I wanted to thank you and your readers for all of the wonderful advice. I was overwhelmed by the amount of support I received, and was so glad that I decided to write in. Getting advice from an outsider’s perspective really helped me to think clearly about the situation at hand, and make a well thought-out decision.

In the end, I decided to stay, at least for the foreseeable future. There were many factors that played into this conclusion, along with the advice and suggestions that everyone gave me. First of all, it became clear that my supervisor at work wanted to take me on as a full-time employee with the company where I am currently a contractor. I absolutely love my job, and with the job market the way that it is, following up on this opportunity seems like a no-brainer. Second, my boyfriend and I moved into the house that he bought, which is beautiful but badly in need of updating (wood paneling on all the walls, shag carpeting in every room, pink ceramic bathtub – very 60’s). We have spent countless hours together painting, putting up crown molding, and arranging furniture. The more that I worked on the house, the more that it started to feel like home. And thankfully, moving in together was an absolute breeze and we really haven’t had any trouble adjusting to inhabiting the same space. I’m extremely happy with where we are in the relationship, and I decided that I wasn’t willing or ready to give that up.

And third, and perhaps most importantly, my boyfriend has really demonstrated his adventurous side during the last few months. My cousin was married this June in Ohio — a twelve hour car-trip from where we live. When I asked my boyfriend if he was interested in joining me and my family to the event, he agreed without hesitation, and then proceeded to suggest that we stop in another new city or two along the way, to make a real road trip out of it. His easy spontaneity and excitement for travel made me realize that, with him, I don’t necessarily have to move to have adventures in new places. If things between us continue to progress and grow, I have no doubt that our lives would be filled with all sorts of travel, from small day-trips to two-week getaways. We already have a long weekend in Mexico planned for next April and are thinking of spending a week in San Francisco with friends the following Fall. So really…what do I need to move for? 🙂

Thank you again, everyone, for all of your thoughtful advice. I really appreciate it!

Thanks for the great update! Sounds like you made an ideal decision.

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

9 comments… add one
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    Theenemyofmyenemyisagrilledcheesesandwich July 29, 2011, 1:04 pm

    I love this update. Yay!

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    summerkitten26 July 29, 2011, 1:09 pm

    I’m really happy she realized she could have a great future where she was ad not give up her sense of adventure! three cheers for awesome updates 🙂

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    MsMisery July 29, 2011, 1:23 pm

    This is one of the best updates we’ve had in a while!!! Kinda jealous 😛

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    Greebo July 29, 2011, 1:33 pm

    What a great update–congratulations!

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    Painted_lady July 29, 2011, 1:33 pm

    Yay! I think your decision is the absolute smartest thing for you two right now. My boyfriend and I are making similar plans – he’s moving here for school because I have a stable job right now, but we decided just because my city is the first place we set up house doesn’t mean we can’t have adventures, either in the form of vacations or living overseas, which is part of our 10-year plan, but not until we’re more financially stable.

    It’s great to figure out that “smart and stable” doesn’t always mean “static and boring,” huh?

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    SGMcG July 29, 2011, 2:01 pm

    I personally love the fact that she was able to make this decision “not because of the boyfriend” but “in addition to” him. She really outlined a whole bunch of sensible reasons to stay. The boyfriend was just the icing on the cake.

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    • Budj

      Budjer July 29, 2011, 2:19 pm

      I agree with you. It’s always nice when people don’t get tunnel vision and think about how decisions will affect their entire life / happiness / well-being.

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      Greebo July 29, 2011, 2:37 pm

      Absolutely!
      Having adventures
      Great boyfriend
      + Stable income etc.
      —————————–
      Happy, fulfilling life of stability, adventure and love

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    Tristy July 29, 2011, 2:21 pm

    2nd day in a row that we got a fantabulous update. Loving it!

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