It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Mad at Match” whose letter was featured in a Shortcuts column back in August of 2011. Her non-committal boyfriend of four months was still using Match.com, and I told her to give him an ultimatum to get off Match or she’s going to MOA. Keep reading to see what happened.
I gave him the ultimatum. He was honest in admitting he was still surfing the dating site, but said he was committed to me. We canceled the membership together. We then dated an additional 13 months — about 1.5 years total — before I had to break it off.
That year and a half together was wonderful, don’t get me wrong. We had some romance, a ton of fun, our families got along well, we supported each other in crucial moments (he had a near-death accident and I cared for him 15 hours a day). We were best friends who loved each other.
One major problem though: he never vocalized feelings of love for me. I got fed up waiting for his feelings to deepen for me … and thought they probably never would. It took me a year to face the fact that I was just a glorified FWB. It’s tiring being the understanding, carefree GF who doesn’t need to hear those words.
I had made it very clear how much I loved him without ever actually saying it (call me old fashioned in believing a man should say it first). It was finally on the day we broke up that he said he loved me. He didn’t “want to close the book.”
I was very hurt and without closure. He only confused me more with his half-baked feelings that left me questioning myself. It’s made it much tougher to MOA and I’m much more guarded with my feelings now, and I’m definitely not concerning myself with dating. — Formerly Mad at Match
Aw, don’t let this experience taint you. It sounds like you had a good, solid relationship. They aren’t all going to be “The One,” and, if you can learn something and leave a little better than when you started, that’s a success as far as I’m concerned. Good luck in the future!
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.