Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “Mama Drama” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Mama Drama” whose already-shakey relationship with her mother was further tested when her mom forged her signature on a refund check that was mistakenly sent to her house. Addie Pray answered her question about whether it was worth pressing charges. Keep reading to see how she decided to proceed and what their relationship is like now.

I wrote to you the same day I found out that my mother had forged my signature, so I was obviously the most angry then. After the initial anger wore off, I realized it would not be worth it to press charges. As Addie Pray said, there would be emotional and financial consequences, which I soon realized. In terms of my money, the bank did refund the total amount. The bank told me that how they proceeded with my mother was confidential, and I know they did not press charges, but I assume my mother got a very serious wrist slap from the bank because she called me several times, irate. She tried to tell me that the bank teller told her it was okay to sign my name, but when I said she should report that employee so he or she would not give misinformation to another customer, she backtracked her story and refused. She told me she was ashamed of me and thought what I did — reporting that the check had been signed without my permission — was “despicable.” I did not talk to her again for several months.

In the recent months we have had some contact — some good and some bad. I’ve found that a phone call every month or so seems to go fine, but anything more than that and she reverts to her bad behavior. It is sad that permanent improvement or even understanding of the problem is not possible, but I’ve made peace with the fact that I need to do what’s healthy for me. I’d like to thank Addie Pray for the advice and also thank the commenters who shared their situations and made me feel less guilty and less alone. That meant more than anything to me.

 
Thank you for the update! I’m sorry you don’t have the relationship with your mother than you’d like, but glad that you’ve found some peace with the situation (and that you were refunded the money).

***************

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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6 comments… add one
  • avatar

    Taylor September 13, 2012, 1:36 pm

    Good for you LW! I’m glad you are taking care of you!

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  • bittergaymark

    bittergaymark September 13, 2012, 2:02 pm

    Yikes, what a fucking mess. Sorry your mother is such a piece of work. And it fascinates me that rather than saying she’s sorry or that she messed up — she blames YOU for calling the bank. That actually astounds me. But I can see why you didn’t press charges… Eh, I don’t see how it would have been worth it either. Keep your distance, I guess. Just like you are.

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  • avatar

    mf September 13, 2012, 3:24 pm

    I’m really sorry you have a mother like this. You deserve better, that’s for sure. Anyway, I think you handled this the best way possible.

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  • avatar

    Sue Jones September 13, 2012, 3:38 pm

    Blaming the “victim” for reporting the check to the bank is CLASSIC bullying behavior. In other words ” I can abuse you all that I want, but the minute you stand up for yourself – OHHHH MY FEELINGS ARE SO HURT!!!!” Classic bullying abusive behavior. See it also with certain politicians… Take note.

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  • FireStar

    FireStar September 13, 2012, 3:46 pm

    Congratulations on doing what was best for you and setting up boundaries with your mom. It’s a sad truth we can make others do the right thing – or even apologise for doing the wrong thing – I have family like this too and I wonder why they never learn or understand the consequences to their actions rests with them and no one else. No one is supposed to put themselves in harm’s way to protect them from their own bad behaviour. But I guess that it not how it works in their bizarro world. I’m glad you got all your money back and you now know to be diligent with your credit report to make sure no one can take advantage of you again.

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  • avatar

    Bek7bek September 13, 2012, 3:55 pm

    Im a bank fraud investigator. Mom is upset because her bank shut all of her accounts down and probably reported her to ChexSystems for fraud. It is difficult if not impossible to get a fraud report removed from chexsystems and it’s unlikely she’ll get another bank account with a reputable bank easily. We tend to have a zero tolerance for these types of shenanigans. Even though it’s only a $60 loss this time, usually the losses tend to be much higher. It’s a huge risk to continue a banking relationship like this one.

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