It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “May Have Over-Reacted” who sent an angry email to a guy she’d been dating a couple months when she found out, after two weeks of no communication, that he was at the airport about to fly home for the holidays. She wrote: If I had not texted him, I would have never known he had left. I left him a long, angry email expressing my displeasure. He never replied and I have not heard from him since. Was I justified in feeling upset? I still do really like him and would love to work things out if he is willing.” Keep reading to find out if he was willing.
So it’s officially over. I’m fine with that. I just don’t understand why he led me on if he knew he wanted a casual relationship. When we started going out, he told me that I had met him at a good time because he was ready to “be serious.” He had been a bit of a partier and all his relationships had been casual. He even stopped hanging out with his wild party friends in a bid to abandon that lifestyle.
In the break-up text, he told me that he takes a long time to get to know a girl before he gets serious and with his work schedule he just doesn’t have that time. His last serious relationship lasted a year and it was pretty serious because he even met her parents.
Basically, I feel like he never gave me a chance. He never got to know me. I don’t know. Maybe it’s something about me that doesn’t inspire commitment.
That wasn’t a “break-up text” he sent. You didn’t break up. You hadn’t seen each other in three months and had only gone on a few dates before that. Why you even needed to ask if you were dating is beyond me. Pro tip: A handful of one-line texts (not even full text conversations!) over the course of a couple months does NOT equal dating. Those one-line texts he sent were just quick bait to see if he might be able to score some fast and easy sex. He was probably sending similar texts to multiple other women, just to see who might respond and make it easiest for him. Clearly, you didn’t win the big prize of being his booty call on any of the times he reached out.
I don’t even know what to tell you except to try to relax a little and not blow things out of proportion. A text is just a text. A date is just a date. You aren’t in a relationship if you live in the same town and haven’t seen or spoken to each other in months. And just because you have now dated two guys who aren’t interested in serious relationships doesn’t mean you don’t inspire commitment. It means you’re choosing the wrong guy to pursue. You can’t always know right off the bat what a guy is looking for, but if he tells you pretty quickly that a serious relationship is not what he wants and he doesn’t have time for one, believe him and MOA.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.