It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Missing Daddy Daughter Time,” who wrote about her frustration with not getting any alone time with her father since his recent divorce from her mother and marriage to another woman. Soon, she’ll be making a short visit to her hometown before deploying for six months. After the jump, find out whether she has hopes this visit will go better than past trips home.
I would like to thank everyone who responded with their thoughtful advice. In the beginning, I had a lot of resentment towards my father’s wife. But as of right now, I am grateful for her and the care she shows toward my father. He has lost over 40 pounds and is healthier than he was before which makes feel at ease. I have come to understand what happened was for the best and why my relationship with him has somewhat changed from before. My father and I are still close — maybe not as close as we used to be — but that is fine. When I go to visit him and his wife I always feel welcome in their home and they both always make time for me. The only issue I had was spending that one-on-one time with him. I brought it up to him before, but maybe I wasn’t as clear as I needed to be in getting my point across.
So, I called my father to talk about it again. First, his wife answered and she is always very friendly and makes it known to me how much it means to my father that I still keep in touch because my brother has not made any contact with him since the divorce. I sort of jokingly asked whether she minded if I stole my father away for the afternoon and afterward we could all meet up for dinner. She really didn’t make a big deal out of it and said it sounded like a great idea.
I know I made it seem like I had resentment toward her in the beginning but, of course, I was probably just trying to find reasons not to like her. My father is a grown adult and I am an adult as well so I am maturely trying to look at the situation from different perspectives. After I talked to his wife I talked to him for a little and he made it clear he couldn’t wait for me to come down. Of course, I can’t update after I visit most likely because I won’t have access to a computer but we will see what happens. Thanks again to everyone who gave their advice. What I learned is I’m not the only daughter going through this and I’m sure other daughters have it much worse than I do. I am sorry to those people and my heart goes out to all of the daughters who just wanted to have that father-daughter bonding.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.