It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Missing my Salvation,” whose boyfriend of four years — a man she’d known her entire life who had never shown signs of being abusive — beat her one evening during a heated argument. “I want to be mad, but I just cannot connect that the man who hurt me with the man who has loved me all these years. […] I have never felt such emotional pain like this before. My daughter misses him so much. I know that even though HE did this, he is not this horrible person. […] I have easily walked away from bad relationships before, but this is truly the love of my life.” After the jump, find out how she’s doing today and whether she has walked away from the “love of her life.”
I would like to respond to some of the things mentioned in the comments. I could not understand why some of the people claimed I was lying about it being the first time this happened or about other things I had written. I assure you that everything I wrote was honest and not clouded by anything. From what I have tried to learn about typical abuse cycles, etc., I was not even close to being in one. I truly do not believe he was a manipulative person. Just to clarify, I only used to word “salvation” because I could not think of a better word to demonstrate who he was to us. I did not intend for it to sound as creepy, pathetic or dependent as it must have. He also did not get me to quit my job or alienate me from anyone ever or anything at all like that. I never was and never would be financially dependent on anyone. I was as independent from before I met him to today and blessed with close family and friends. My independence was one of the things he admired about me when we first got together. Aside from that, many of the comments were so appreciated and helpful, and if nothing else, it was nice to hear people hoping to give me some strength.
I would love to reply to every single person who wrote in, but I think I am writing too much as it is. One that really stuck out to me was Waters Edge, so thank you. Kare listing the National Domestic Violence information and questions were very helpful as well. I did not answer yes to any of the questions, aside from the obvious one. I hope no one thinks I ignored any of the advice that maybe one would think I didn’t want to hear either. I heard you all loud and clear and continue to read the advice and take one day at a time. I will end with saying I hope that if anyone else is ever in the position I was, that they are able to find this post. Thank you again, Wendy. If ever a stranger runs up to you on the street asking for a hug, its me.
Thank you so much for your update and for your kind words. Your letter was one that stuck with me and you’ve been in my thoughts these last few months. I hope you continue to find peace and are able to move forward, making decisions you feel confident are best for yourself and your daughter.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.