Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “Mommy Issues” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Mommy Issues,” a 20-year-old college student who was raised by her grandparents and whose relationship with her mother left a little to be desired.

I really wanted to thank you for your advice! I do accept that I may never have the relationship I want with my mother, but I really can’t help but try to be at least amicable with her.

I’m back at home and I’m alright with my mother once again, so I just wanted to clear up a few things. My mother and I both suffer from Manic Depression, and it sometimes contributes to our fighting. She will say things not understanding that it upsets me and then swing straight into being irritable with me because I react by being upset. It’s tense for both of us because our mood swings tend to be on opposite sides of the spectrum and our personalities clash because we’re very alike.

She just recently broke up with my stepfather who was the closest thing to a real father-figure to me in my early teens and out of habit, I suppress my emotions about feeling hurt. The reason I ended up crying in the restaurant was because she keeps pushing me to continue a relationship with him. She didn’t take into consideration that I have major abandonment issues from her and my father leaving when I was a little girl so I am not able to handle people walking out of my life. However, towards the end of his relationship with my mother, he treated her horribly and while she has forgiven him, I’m not okay with anyone calling my mother a bitch or using me as an excuse to get out of a relationship.

My mother and I may never be close, but I’m just hoping we can learn to maintain a more positive relationship. Thank you so much again for your response!

 
Thank you for your update. I hope you continue to find peace and balance in whatever relationship you can have with your mother, even if it’s not the one you truly want.

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

3 comments… add one
  • avatar

    SpaceySteph August 3, 2011, 2:41 pm

    I wish I had remembered this letter when that LW last week wanted to leave her kids with their verbally abusive father to go pursue her geology degree. Fast forward 15 years and one of her own kids could be writing the same letter.

    Reply Link
  • becboo84

    BecBoo84 August 3, 2011, 3:11 pm

    Amen, Sister!

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    anonymous August 3, 2011, 5:13 pm

    I certainly hope you’re both on appropriate medication and receiving good psychiatric care!

    Reply Link

Leave a Comment