Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “Money or Love” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Money or Love” who had recently started dating a longtime friend and was very concerned about his financial irresponsibility and amount of credit card debt he had. “Am I out of line for telling him he needs to be smarter with his money and cut back on his purchases? Should I let that come between what we have — an otherwise great friendship, great love, open and honest communication, and commitment?” After the jump, find out if she let finances come between them or not.

Thank you again for posting my letter, and thank you to everyone who commented. My update to you is LONG overdue. I don’t know why I’ve been stalling — probably because I think my update will be the world’s most boring update: we broke up. The relationship did not last much longer after I wrote in, and I’m a little embarrassed about how desperately I was trying to make it work. But we were friends before and are friends again and, as friends, I don’t have to let his financial irresponsibility bother me. What a load off! This is a much, much happier place to be. And now I know a little bit more about what I want in a significant other, and what I can’t tolerate.

As an aside, Mike started dating someone else within a few weeks, and now, about six months later, they are very serious. And I couldn’t be happier for them!

But, now I have to tell you about my douchebag neighbor that I’ve been sleeping with for the past few months – another day, another letter. 😉

 
Eagerly awaiting that letter!

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

16 comments… add one
  • avatar

    TheGirl October 13, 2011, 12:06 pm

    Seconded, Wendy!

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    Jiggs October 13, 2011, 1:04 pm

    Well you’re one up on most of the LWs who write Wendy if you at least know and recognize your new squeeze is a douchebag!

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    artsygirl October 13, 2011, 1:11 pm

    Some people should always remain in the friends category – happy you were able to move comfortably back into it.

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    MsMisery October 13, 2011, 1:23 pm

    Oh lawd, out of the frying pan and into the fire, eh sistah?

    Glad you and the ex remained friends though. That’s hard to do in the best of situations.

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  • bittergaymark

    bittergaymark October 13, 2011, 1:49 pm

    Sounds to me like you made the right decision. You weren’t being materialistic, but realistic. I also love your maturity here about him moving on to somebody else. You’re even still friends and happy for him. How nice of you and how genuine, too. That is something I would like to see more of on here. Far too many LWs and Commenters seem to get really bitter about exes moving on… Kudos for knowing how silly all that is…

    Now about that douchebag of a neighbor… 😉

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  • avatar

    ele4phant October 13, 2011, 2:16 pm

    I, for one, think we are all entitled to have a fling with douchebag now and again. Not every guy we date has to be the upstanding, responsible citizen we could potentially see ourselves being with for the long haul. As long as you are keeping your eyes open and aren’t getting sucked into turning this d-bag into steady boyfriend material, carry on my friend.

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    • JK

      JK October 13, 2011, 2:22 pm

      <i guess you´re right, but it could complicate things that the douche is LW´s neighbour. But well, to each his own.

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        Addie Pray October 13, 2011, 7:03 pm

        I’m the LW and I can tell you (a) this situation I’m in is nuts – how/when/why did it happen – well, I know the how and the when but the why is a mystery; (b) you’d think the fact that he is my neighbor would complicate things but we never run into each other – except the one time we did and met for the first time and the whole thing started in the first place; and (c) my doorman is on to us, which is fine, I guess, except the doorman likes to update me whenever i walk in the door (e.g., “[Neighbor Boy] just got home with take out” or “[Neighbor Boy] is out golfing,” etc.) I have to tell the doorman: please, I don’t want updates; and please gawd do not tell him about my comings and goings. This violates the doormant/tenant privilege. I’m too afraid to write to Wendy because I know everyone is going to yell at me. But maybe the tough love is what I need. On the upsdie: Neighbor Boy is responsible with his finances. Check.

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      • JK

        JK October 13, 2011, 8:08 pm

        If you need tough love, I have no problem (I´m the official tough love person for at least one friend) :).
        From what you wrote here I got a very Sex and the City vibe.
        I think I would die if I had a doorman, especially one as nosy as that!! I´ve lived in a house my whole life, I need my privacy.
        Well, when you´re ready to be yelled at just send in the new letter!!

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray October 13, 2011, 8:39 pm

        It’s very Sex and the City, minus the outrageously expensive and impracticable shoes. (I like sneakers.)

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      • bittergaymark

        bittergaymark October 14, 2011, 6:07 am

        As long as you KNOW he is a douchebag and just want to have a little fun, knowing all the while that it won’t ever get serious, and that moreover you don’t want it to get serious, I honestly don’t see anything wrong with it. Go. Play a bit together, just keep a cool, clear head about everything and you will be fine. 🙂

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  • avatar

    Addie Pray October 13, 2011, 4:33 pm

    This LW sounds really smart! And good looking, with a great personality. 😉

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    • avatar

      silver_dragon_girl October 13, 2011, 4:38 pm

      :O

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest October 14, 2011, 9:56 am

      I’ll confess I couldn’t understand why you thought the LW was good looking. Just place the MORON sticker on my forehead and get it over with. Haha. Very cute though, AP.

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  • avatar

    SGMcG October 13, 2011, 8:06 pm

    Douchebag neighbors make the best stories to be heard over alcohol. You can take a shot every time a listener shouts out an expletive. Good time had by all. 😀

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  • avatar

    Taylor October 13, 2011, 10:40 pm

    If you aren’t looking for anything serious, there’s no drama, and the sex is good, then hooray for the DB neighbor!

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