Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “Mother of the Bride, Daughter of the Uninvited” Responds

updatesIt’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Mother of the Bride, Daughter of the Uninvited” whose daughter was not inviting her grandmother, the LW’s mother, to her wedding. “My mother has insulted my daughter’s fiancé for his race as well as for his job,” she wrote. “But, my mother is the only family member not invited, and I don’t know what to do to make this situation better.” Keep reading to see how this situation has been further complicated.

I saw your recent call for updates and thought this might help. As I said earlier, my daughter and her fiancé have made the decision to cut my mother out of their lives, and as such my mother and some other relatives have tried to get my mother an invite to their wedding.

In November, though, my mother was diagnosed with stage-four lung cancer, and at her age it’s all about keeping her comfortable. My mother is trying to rally a quicker, last-minute wedding as she’s still under the impression, despite being told that she is NOT invited, that her granddaughter really does love her and will change every plan to accommodate her. Needless to say, this is not happening and my daughter is not changing her wedding plans.

As per all of your collective advice, I have stopped discussing the wedding with my mother. Although now she is sick, my mother is calling my daughter selfish and cruel and other things and is involving the family, which is now a whole other can of worms.

I hope this works for an update, and I wish you and your family and your readers all the best in the New Year. I may have more of an update in May after the wedding.

 
I’m so sorry to hear about your mother’s diagnosis. I’m sure it only compounds the stress and tension you feel being in the middle between her and your daughter. I hope she can be kept as comfortable as possible and that you are able to enjoy your daughter’s eventual wedding despite the negativity about it coming from your mom. Please keep us posted!

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If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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2 comments… add one
  • avatar

    erica January 26, 2016, 2:30 pm

    Elope?

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  • avatar

    fairhairedchild January 26, 2016, 6:59 pm

    I’m glad for the partial update, and that there’s a possible second update coming in a few months.

    It seems like the LW understands that she’s in a tough position between her mother and daughter and is staying as out of it as possible. I do hope though, that if any other family members brings up the not-invited grandmother situation, that she tries to smooth it over and tell them that it’s between her daughter and mother and that it’s really nothing that they can comment on or try to say to convince the couple to change their minds (and is really none of their business).

    If anything, I wouldn’t be surprised if the other family members may suddenly find themselves no longer invited as well if they keep trying to spread more rumors or harass the bride and groom about the situation.

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