It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Needy or Not?” who wrote in over two years ago about how she felt like her boyfriend wasn’t making her a priority in his life. “Between volunteer groups, organized sports, and networking events, I pretty much never see him, yet we live only a few miles apart,” she wrote. She wondered if she was reasonable for feeling ignored or if she was simply being “too needy.” Keep reading to see where things stand now, over two years later.
He remained in touch for a while after that – I think he once again regretted his decision. But this time I held my ground, replying to his calls/texts/emails in a polite, but distant, fashion. I wanted to be on friendly terms (we have many mutual friends), but I wanted to make it clear that I was no longer going to drop everything for him. I had my own life and new relationships to discover. Leaving him was the best thing I could have done.
Despite some rough times for the first few months after our breakup, I am so much happier without him in my life. I know that he’s not a bad person, but I was not, nor would I ever be, an important part of his life. It hurt my self-esteem when I was with him, and this was actually the source of a major anxiety problem I eventually developed. It’s been about a year and a half since we broke up, and I am in a caring and loving relationship with someone else. We are truly a team together, and I feel so much more fulfilled. I definitely came out a stronger, more independent person from the entire situation.
Thanks for the advice and support (from you and all of the commenters)!
What a nice update, and one I bet will strike a chord with someone reading right now who is in the same boat you were in with your ex. You didn’t settle for crumbs of a relationship and now, after healing, you’re in a much better place because you were strong enough to MOA. Good for you.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.