It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Newly Single” who wondered how long she should wait before trying to establish a friendship with the guy she just broke up with after 17 months together. Keep reading to see where they stand now.
Because of that, I told him that I wouldn’t be calling him again and that he could reach out to me when he was ready to be friends. It took me several weeks to stop tearing up every time I thought about him and how much I missed having him in my life, even though I knew that our breakup was for the best. I went on a few dates with some other guys as a distraction, which definitely helped.
Almost exactly 3 months after our breakup, I got an e-mail from him wishing me well and asking to meet up for coffee. A few days later we met up and caught up for 3 hours. It was hard to see him again in such a different context, but it was very helpful in letting me see how far I had come. We even shared a little bit about our recent dates (none of which had gone anywhere for either of us) and were able to be honest with each other. I wasn’t craving being back in a relationship with him, but it felt weird to say goodbye and not go home together.
At this point, we Gchat or text from time to time when something reminds us of each other, but that’s about it. I know I can rely on him if I ever really need him, so I like where we’re at. I still miss him from time to time, especially when things with other guys aren’t working out, but I know that this is a process and I won’t be totally over him until I find someone new that I can really fall for. All in all, I feel fortunate that I had the experience of this relationship (as it was my first real one) and that it was with such a solid guy, but I am ready to find someone who is a better fit for me. Thanks again, Wendy and readers, for all of your advice.
Thanks for the update, and I’m glad you guys are in a good place. I disagree with your idea that you won’t be totally over your ex until you find someone new. You may surprise yourself and find that a little more time and a full life, even without the company of a new boyfriend, is all you need to totally heal your heart.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.