It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “No Kissy Face for Me” who wrote in last week about her boyfriend of eight months, whom she lives with, suddenly becoming distant. Her response isn’t so much an update but more of a … clarification. Read on.
Thank you for the very blunt response. I guess I should’ve been more elaborate about my living situation. Yes, moving in with my boyfriend was a huge step, but to go into a little bit of detail, since it obviously became the big issue, I lived 40 miles away at the time we first called it “official.” I have known this man for years, just did not go on a date until eight months ago. We have been out together before that many times, but with mutual friends. We decided that me living 40 miles away was too difficult and wanted to continue the relationship. I own a house just a few miles away from him but was renting it out. This move is temporary until my tenants move out and I am in the process of doing repairs so my children and I can get back in there. I live out of a suitcase, I do not have my things at his house, and I am only there three nights a week. I work graves as a 911 dispatcher and rarely see the light of day.
Yes, this sounds unstable for my children, I realize that, but without changing topics, being a single mother period is unstable. Call me crazy if you wish; I would’ve stayed married to provide a stable family life if I could choke down a cheating husband while I was pregnant. And for the record, my funds are tight with my oldest daughter having a stroke and blind spots that are continually growing, so temporarily living rent-free with someone that offered and that we trust seemed like the best route until all of this passes.
As for the update on the relationship, I have none. As for the “kissy face” messages, that was used as an example of the changes I noticed. I could care less about getting a “kissy face” but I noticed a distance between us because of that, among other things. When I asked during a serious conversation if we were over or if he needed space, he said no, he is just going through some things. This man does not lie whatsoever, and he does not cheat. Trust me, a woman that has been cheated on looks for signs and knows. I didn’t go into this dumb and blind. I do not date just anyone. I have only had two serious relationships in my lifetime. I have dated a lot but have never come across anyone that struck me as this man did. I will give him his space, however. Mainly because with both of us, we have a lot of baggage and shit gets stressful and neither one of us fights.
Thanks again, you all have given me a lot to think over.
First, I’m sorry for your daughter’s medical challenges and for the financial stress you’re under. I do, however, think you probably rushed things moving in with someone simply because you trust him and free rent was offered. I stand by my list of 15 things a couple should do before moving in together and think that when children are involved, as they are for both you and your boyfriend, it’s important to be even MORE cautious about moving too quickly. I do wish you the best of luck and I hope, for your sake as well as your kids, everything works out for you.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.