It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Nonsmoker For Life” who started her current relationship as a smoker. She eventually quit, but her boyfriend did not and she wanted to know how to convince her boyfriend to quit without being a nag. Keep reading to see if she was successful.
Long story short, he stills smokes, I still don’t. I have been going on and on about this in my head, but I can’t seem to decide if this is a deal-breaker for me or not. I have told him that it really bothers me and that he has to quit in the near future. He told me that he doesn’t have the strength right now, but he is sure he will quit this year. I’m not getting my hopes up as he has said this before, and he has tried to quit a few times since I sent my letter in, with each time lasting a week at most. We had a few heated discussions over this, mainly because I wanted to address this and he didn’t.
I think that this is not a deal-breaker for now, but I don’t know if I can stand this in the long run. His brother is having a baby this year, and he hasn’t been able to quit smoking either. To see myself in that situation, to be pregnant and to have my husband continue smoking, would be awful to me. So I’ve decided to give him a chance, but I’m putting my moving-in-together plans on hold for now. There have been some other issues to come up between us as well, all minor, but everything keeps adding up. For me, the saddest thing is that I used to see a future with him, and now I feel like that future is fading before my eyes.
I didn’t think that his smoking was our only problem; in fact, in the back of my mind, the thought always was, “If this bothers you this much, it’s because something else is wrong.” I’m trying to figure out if this is just a rough patch or if there’s something deeper going on and whether or not we can work it out. I hope I will have a brighter, happier update in the future, and I look forward to sharing one with you and your readers. Thank you for your advice. You were spot on and very honest, and I really appreciated it.
Thanks for the update. I suspect the uncertainty about your future is almost as difficult as the actual smoking. I’ve been in that position and it isn’t fun, but the upside is that uncertainty, especially as it pertains to relationships among young people, does eventually lead to certainty, one way or another, especially if you want to have a family one day. Sooner of later, you will know in your heart whether this relationship is IT or whether it’s time to MOA. Good luck, and keep us posted.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.