It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Not a Teenager” whose boyfriend was obsessed with the teen girls he was friending on Facebook. Keep reading to see whether she’s given him the boot yet.
I have completely broken up with my boyfriend. Right after I wrote to you, he became very bitter and rude, but it was no surprise to me. I don’t remember if I mentioned this in my previous letter, but, on top of his obsession with teen girls on Facebook, he also called me every name under the sun in previous arguments. But that is okay. At this point his name-calling is like a broken record or like a plastic sword (the kind you get with a drink) that hits me and then falls on the floor. In other words, I don’t care and, because I don’t care, and because I blocked him on Facebook and blocked his number, he took things up on Facebook statuses (I know this because a friend of mine tells me). He posts a lot of made up things, but what bothers me is when he uses things I said to him, making it seem as if they come from him. Does that make sense?
Now it has been at least a month since we broke up and, while it is flattering that he still thinks of me so much (I am being sarcastic, of course), it messes with my head. You see, I don’t count how many times he calls me this or that or what he calls me to begin with anymore, but I still am not at peace with it. When I think about the times that he called me names and went ballistic in front of friends and family (he once threw a sandwich in the garbage at a restaurant because a guy friend bought it for me), it still hurts, and each time he posts something about me, I get reminded of that hurt. And it just simply isn’t a way to live. Otherwise, I am enjoying my life and I simply don’t consider ever going back to him or hope that he will change or anything of that sort. However, I want him to leave me alone completely as I’ve made clear. I don’t want to be friends or keep in touch in any way. Why can’t he just stop picking on me?
You need to be very clear with your friends to NOT tell you if/when he says something about you, either explicitly or not. If your friends keep talking to you about him, stop interacting with them. Eventually, the hurt will start fading and both you and your ex will move on.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at email@example.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.